


My Name Is Alexandra Hamilton

by Beaufoy14



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Genderbending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24354550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beaufoy14/pseuds/Beaufoy14
Summary: ‘This isn't what it looks like,’ Hamilton is quick to say.‘Really? Because it looks like you're trying to strangle Jefferson as he taunts you by holding your phone just out of reach.’‘...Then it’s exactly what it looks like.’-OR: Hamilton is a woman, shares an office with Jefferson, and they regularly try to kill each other.Featuring goats, karaoke, group chats, daddy issues, and an ill-advised game of Monopoly.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Alexandra Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Comments: 208
Kudos: 424





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came about because I wanted to read a genderbent Hamilton fic, couldn't find one, and realised I would have to write my own. Please suspend all disbelief before starting this, I am well aware that some of it is ridiculously silly . I'm not from the USA, nor have I ever been there, and I have no clue how American politics works (however I'm 100% it's not like this).  
> I wrote this purely for my own enjoyment, and I'm sharing it on here in the hopes it might provide a bit of fun for others too.

‘Jump for it. Jump for it, Hamilton.’

Jefferson dangles her phone above her head as she tries to reach up and grab it. Alexandra lets out a muffled shriek of frustration as he waves it just out of her reach. She needs that phone, and she will kill Jefferson if that’s what it takes to get it back. ‘Aww, ickle Hamilton can't reach,’ Jefferson drawls in his stupid accent. She changes tactics, climbing onto her chair and leaping onto Jefferson's back with a war cry.

‘Let. Me. Have. It.’ She grinds out, as she simultaneously squeezes with her thighs and wraps an arm around his neck. Her free arm scrabbles for the phone that he's still holding as far away from her as possible.

That’s how Washington finds them a minute later, Hamilton still clinging to Jefferson's back like a monkey. Jefferson, red-faced, trying to crush her between the wall and his body.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ Washington barks. They freeze and very slowly turn to look at him in the doorway. Lafayette has his phone out and is recording the entire thing over Washington’s shoulder.

‘This isn't what it looks like,’ Hamilton is quick to say.

‘Really? Because it looks like you're trying to strangle Jefferson as he taunts you by holding your phone just out of reach.’

‘...Then it’s exactly what it looks like.'

‘I'm too old for this bullshit,’ Washington sighs before closing the door.

‘Daddy’s disappointed with you,’ Jefferson goads the second the door closes.

‘Daddy’s disappointed with both of us,’ she hisses. She grunts as he slams her back into the wall. ‘That hurt, you little bitch.’ Jefferson whimpers when she wraps her hand in his- surprisingly soft?- hair and pulls.

‘Not my hair,’ he shrieks. He gives up trying to pry her arm away from his neck and reaches a hand around and goes for the kill shot. His hand wraps around her ribs and he tickles her mercilessly until she lets go of him. As she falls she tries to grab onto anything she can use to stop herself and somehow ends up dragging Jefferson down with her.

They lie there, tangled on the floor and panting, until there's a tentative knock at the door.

‘Tommy, are you… dead?’ Madison looks more than a little bit perturbed by the scene in front of him. Hamilton lets out a low groan from somewhere under Jefferson's left shoulder.

‘You weigh a tonne,’ she grunts as she wiggles out from underneath him.

‘That’s all the muscle,’ Jefferson replies. Madison rushes forwards to give them both a hand up. Hamilton ignores it, uses the desk to get back to standing and then has a brief hunt for her missing shoe which she finds under her desk. She also snatches her phone back from Jefferson's weak grasp with a triumphant ‘ha!’.

‘Seeing the two of you always makes me grateful that I share an office with Burr, Lee and Angelica,’ Madison mumbles to himself. The fact that any of them need to share an office is somewhat baffling, but renovation works have shut down over half the building and have meant they’ve had to compromise.

‘Oh Angelica would definitely strangle you in a heartbeat if she didn’t think you'd actually die the second a woman touched you,’ she supplies cheerfully.

~

‘The fact that you made me read this with my own two eyes is proof that there is no god, because surely he would not forsake me like this.’

‘Fuck off, Jefferson. Like you can talk. Your essay read like a lacklustre hand job: rushed and inconsistent,’ Hamilton shoots back.

‘Oh I bet you know all about inconsistent hand jobs.’

She raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, ‘I've never had any complaints.’

‘Seriously guys,’ Madison say. ‘You both gotta be like this when I'm sat right here?’

~

The only night Hamilton can be guaranteed to be out of the office at a reasonable time is a Wednesday, because she and Angelica have a long-standing weekly date at the gym where they beat up the punching bag and vent about the idiots they work with until they're tired and go home and order pizza.

‘I'm just saying,’ Alex pants. ‘If he got run over by a bus tomorrow I wouldn’t mind.’

Angelica holds the punching bag steady and pulls a face. ‘Surely he can't be as bad as Burr. He gave me a lecture yesterday about not sounding friendly enough over the phone. Who does he think he is? The fucking phone police?’

‘At least Burr doesn’t invite his friends to come and sit and have loud conversations at his desk when you're busy trying to write. Or thinks it's okay to flick paperclips at you until you get angry at him, and then you get into trouble for trying to bludgeon him with a hole punch.’

‘I don’t think Burr has any friends,’ Angelica muses.

‘He gets on with that stupid Charles Lee guy. It’s a dubious honour, but I think he might be the dumbest person I know.’ She gives the punching bag a wallop.

‘Who’s worse, Jefferson and Madison, or Burr and Lee?’ Angelica smirks.

‘Like you even have to ask,’ she replies. ‘At least Burr and Lee are inept enough not to be an issue.’

‘Fuck, marry, kill: Jefferson, Burr, Lee,’ Angelica asks innocently. Alex regrets every day the time she introduced that stupid game. Not only is it probably going to get them fired one day if they're overheard, but Angelica repeatedly asks her until she finally gives her answer.

‘Kill Jefferson, kill Burr, kill Lee,’ Alex grunts.

‘You know that’s not how the game works. Don’t make me ask again.’

‘This is the worst one yet,’ she moans. Angelica shoots her an unimpressed look. ‘Okay, okay. Fuck Jefferson. Marry Burr. Kill Lee. Oh god I feel ill just thinking about it.’

‘You and Burr would make a beautiful couple,’ Angelica smirks. ‘But you definitely should have married Jefferson, he's loaded.’

‘But he's Jefferson,’ she points out.

‘He still giving you a hard time over that bill?’ Alex focuses on hitting the punching bag before she answers.

‘Fuck Jefferson.’ Everything she says he disagrees with. It’s like he does it deliberately just to piss her off. If he is it’s definitely working. ‘And fuck Madison too. Southern motherfucking democratic republicans.’ She punctuates each word with a sharp punch before taking a step back to wipe the sweat out of her eyes.

‘Swap?’ Angelica suggests, letting go of the punching bag. ‘I need to rant about Burr.’

~

‘What's it like to work with Thomas Jefferson?’ the wide-eyed intern asks.

‘At least once a day I get the urge to just open a pot of thumbtacks and start eating them like candy, but the feeling usually passes without incident so it’s okay,’ Alex replies cheerfully. The intern looks like he's been slapped. ‘I'm only going to show you how to use the copier once so pay attention. If you forget anything ask Burr, he gets off on stationary. If you really want to get him hot under the collar ask him about laminating.’ The intern glances around wildly as if worried that Burr might jump out at any second brandishing a stapler.

‘How long have you been in politics?’ the intern asks, sounding less confident with every passing minute.

‘Ages. I was a lawyer first, but only because I have this friend who always used to get arrested right? But he's way better at avoiding the cops now and I don’t need to defend him in court so I'm doing this instead.’

‘It must be amazing to work for Washington.’

She pulls a face. ‘He's overrated. I'm just kidding, no need to look so scandalised. Nah G Wash is pretty cool.’

‘You call the president G Wash?’

‘Not to his face.’

‘I thought politics would be more… serious,’ the intern says.

She snorts. ‘Don’t know who told you that. Was it Burr? Bet it was Burr.’  
They both look to the door when they hear someone approaching. The intern perks up like an excited puppy when Jefferson sticks his head around the door. Alex slumps in disappointment.

‘Hamilton, what are you doing in here? I thought you'd be out terrorising munchkins,’ Jefferson says by way of greeting.

‘Jefferson, this is our newest intern, he told me earlier that he thinks you're inspirational so obviously he's not going to last long.’ The intern looks like he's about to cry.

‘She's joking,’ Jefferson reassures him. ‘You'll quickly learn that the only person that thinks Hamilton is funny is Hamilton herself.’

‘And Becky from HR,’ she's quick to remind him.

‘Becky from HR is a sociopath.’

‘Becky from HR is a babe.’

‘You know what, Hamilton, I don’t have time to deal with your bullshit today. When was the last time you slept? You look like you're six months into the zombie apocalypse,’ Jefferson says.

‘Mean.’

‘And not as a survivor, as a zombie.’

‘Well I guess that’s lucky for you then, since zombies eat brains and you don’t have any,’ she shoots back.

Jefferson rubs his forehead. He turns to the intern, who up until this point has slowly been backing away towards the door. ‘How many cups of coffee have you seen her drink this morning?’

‘Um, five, sir. But I've only been here since nine,’ the intern replies.

‘Dear god Hamilton. I'm taking the intern before you permanently traumatise him, I can practically feel the crazy radiating off you from here,’ say Jefferson.

‘Fine, take the intern, but you have to show him how the intranet works.’

Jefferson looks unimpressed. ‘That’s a shit job, you can keep him.’

‘Please Mr Jefferson, don’t leave me with her,’ the intern pleads. ‘She's asked me three times what my favourite tax is. I don’t have a favourite tax, I'm just here for some work experience before college.’

‘I suppose it wouldn’t be fair to subject you to her for long periods,’ Jefferson sighs.

‘I'm right here,’ she reminds them.

‘And boy do we wish you weren’t,’ Jefferson drawls.

~

**The Gang:**

_Baguette Fucker: 20:11:_ Night out on Saturday. If you don’t come you're a tragic loser with no life

 _TJeffs 20:11:_ Where?

 _Baguette Fucker: 20:12:_ That karaoke bar near Herc and me. Anyone that comes has to sing at least one song

 _Angel-ica: 20:12:_ Eliza and I are coming. We call shotgun on Wannabe

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 20:13:_ You know that’s my, John, and Laf’s song :(

 _Angel-ica: 20:13:_ Not anymore, sugar tits ;)

 _Madzz: 20:13:_ I don’t sing

 _A. Burr: 20:14:_ Me neither.

 _Baguette Fucker: 20:14:_ You have to sing. They're the rules

 _TJeffs: 20:14:_ Jemmy we can do Benny and the Jets  
 _TJeffs: 20:15:_ Burr I suppose you can join in with us

 _Madzz: 20:15:_ B-b-b-BENNY!!

 _TJeffs: 20:15:_ Gonna be beautiful

 _A. Burr: 20:16:_ I will think about it.

 _And Peggy!: 20:16:_ I can't make it, I have a date ;)  
 _And Peggy!: 2016:_ Make sure no one has fun without me  
 _And Peggy!: 20:17:_ And make sure they all know it’s because I'm not there

 _Angel-ica: 20:17:_ A date?!?! With whom?!?!

 _Baguette Fucker: 20:17:_ Congratulations mon petit cherie

 _Angel-ica: 20:18:_ Peggy reply to my messages!!!!

 _I’m John Laurens: 20:45:_ Does anyone know if Alex is coming?

 _TJeffs: 20:45:_ God I hope not

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 20:46:_ Why, John? We not good enough for you or something? :P

 _I’m John Laurens: 20:46:_ Al owes me three pints after our last night out…

 _Wifey: 20:47:_ I'm scared to ask

 _I’m John Laurens: 20:47:_ All you need to know is that we now have a lifetime ban from The Yorktown

 _Wifey: 20:48:_ Yikes :/

 _Angel-ica: 20:48:_ At least no one ended up in jail this time

 _TJeffs: 20:49:_ Wait what? Who was in jail? Was it Hamilton? Please tell me. I promise not to tell anyone

 _Angel-ica: 20:49:_ As if I'd tell you anything, you smarmy git :)

 _Wifey: 20:50:_ Yikes

 _A. Burr: 20:50:_ Yikes.

 _Hammie Hamster: 3:43:_ I WILL BE THERE!!! I WILL SING!!! I WILL NOT GET ARRESTED!! I WILL BOO JEFFERSON OFFSTAGE!!

 _TJeffs: 3:44:_ Hamilton wtf? It’s nearly 4am, why are you awake right now?  
 _TJeffs: 3:44:_ And why are you shouting?

 _Hammie Hamster: 3:45:_ JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS! WHY ARE YOU AWAKE RIGHT NOW?!?! I’VE HAD COFFEE. SO MUCH COFFEE.

 _TJeffs: 3:45:_ One day your heart is going to explode from all the caffeine you drink and I’ll stand over your grave and say ‘I told you so’ and it will be a marvellous day

 _Hammie Hamster: 3:46:_ BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I CAN DIE

 _TJeffs: 3:46:_ I'll remember that next time I'm tempted to push you in front of a bus...

 _Hammie Hamster: 3:47:_ I'M TAKING YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH ME, PRETTY BOY

 _Madzz: 3:47:_ Can you two please not sext on the group chat? And please go to sleep


	2. Chapter 2

‘Never have I ever had sex in a public place.’

‘What counts as a public place?’ Lafayette asks with a smirk. Thomas thinks they should be less worried about definitions, and more worried about the fact _James just drank_. Before anyone can answer Lafayette’s question he’s called up for karaoke and takes to the stage to sing an enthusiastic rendition of Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Halfway through Lafayette yells ‘Hammie!’ and half the bar turns to the doorway where Hamilton has just entered with a man he thinks he might have met before. Where Thomas knows he would turn red and shy away from all the eyes on him Hamilton blows a kiss in Lafayette’s direction, and struts over to their table, her friend in tow.

‘Sorry I'm late,’ she breezes. ‘Hope y’all haven’t been missing me too much. Who’s going to buy me a drink?’

Benjamin Tallmadge, who has inexplicably been invited and seems thrilled just to be there, jumps to his feet. Thomas thinks that he's friends with Hamilton, but his enthusiasm could also be because Hamilton’s wearing a very floaty shirt under which can very clearly be seen her black bra. Not that he's noticed.

Lafayette finishes his song and goes through an elaborate greeting with Hamilton and the other man. ‘You know John Laurens, right?’ Lafayette says, looking at him and James.

‘John, have you met Madison and Jefferson?’ Hamilton asks.

Laurens reaches over to shake James' hand. ‘I've heard lots about you from Alex. None of it good mind you, but I'm hoping you're not as bad as I've been led to believe. Jefferson, I hate you on principle, sorry.’

He isn't really sure what to say to that cheerful statement so just takes another sip of his drink. Hamilton sits opposite him with Angelica and Eliza, and the three of them immediately bow their heads together in conversation. When Tallmadge returns with a tray of shots the table cheers.

‘You need to catch up,’ Lafayette commands, laying out a row of three shots in front of both Hamilton and Laurens. Hamilton knocks them back like a pro, not even wincing, and Thomas thinks Tallmadge might have just fallen in love.

~

‘Never have I ever accidentally called Washington ‘dad’.’ Hamilton, Lafayette and Thomas all groan and take a drink.

Eliza looks around the table before speaking. ‘Never have I ever found anyone sat at this table attractive.’ Tallmadge drinks so quickly he spills some down his shirt. Everyone then drinks except Angelica who looks incredibly smug. Lafayette plants a kiss on Mulligan. He raises a questioning eyebrow at Hamilton and she smirks in response. How she's still functioning after the quantities of alcohol she's consumed he's not sure.

‘Never have I ever kissed someone of the same gender,’ James says. Lafayette and Mulligan cheer before drinking. Hamilton and Eliza clink glasses with a grin before sipping their drinks.

‘You and James have never?’ Lafayette questions.

‘He's too good for me,’ he sighs and James elbows him in the ribs. ‘But one day he’ll realise we’re meant to be together.’

‘Don’t hold your breath,’ James laughs.

‘Okay, okay,’ Mulligan says. ‘Never have I ever been in love.’ Thomas, Lafayette, Mulligan, and Laurens all drink. Hamilton mimes being violently sick.

‘One day, Hammie,’ Lafayette teases, putting his arm around her and loudly kissing her on the cheek.

Laurens goes next and he's looking at Hamilton when he says, ‘never have I ever been married.’ Angelica cackles when Hamilton and Eliza toast each other before taking a drink.

‘To each other?’ Tallmadge gapes.

‘In our defence,’ begins Eliza. ‘We’re not sure it’s legally binding.’

‘Herc applied to be a minister online,’ Hamilton continues. ‘So we’re pretty sure it’s not legit, but there is a chance we’re still married.’

‘And you're a lovely wife,’ Eliza says fondly.

‘Best of wives and best of women,’ Hamilton replies, equally fond.

‘But why though?’ he asks.

‘We were drunk,’ the two women say in unison.

‘And because she's a hot piece of ass,’ Eliza adds.

‘Thanks babe.’

‘Never have I ever,’ James says. ‘Been arrested.’ A cheer goes up around the table as Mulligan, Lafayette, Laurens, and Hamilton all drink.

‘The day I realised I had a kink for handcuffs,’ Lafayette smirks.

‘I’ll drink to that,’ Hamilton cackles. Tallmadge seems to choke on his own tongue. James puts his head in his hands.

‘Should I drink for each time or…’ Laurens asks quietly.

‘I have one,’ Angelica smirks. ‘Never have I ever got a tattoo.’

‘I feel like I'm being personally victimised,’ Hamilton grumbles before taking a sip of her nearly empty drink.

He gapes at her. ‘What?! No I don’t believe you.’

‘It’s very small,’ Hamilton replies.

‘Show me,’ he demands.

‘It’s on my ass,’ she smirks. ‘So you'll have to buy me dinner first.’

‘I call bullshit,’ he says. He looks around the table, ‘who here has seen it?’

Half the table raises their hands, which is an alarming number considering the placement of said tattoo.

‘I was there when she got it done,’ Laurens says but he's laughing so much Thomas isn't inclined to believe him.

‘What is it?’ Tallmadge asks eagerly.

Hamilton taps her nose. ‘Secret.’

‘I'm sorry but no way,’ he says.

‘I'm with Thomas,’ James nods.

Hamilton raises a challenging eyebrow and gets to her feet, ‘oh yeah?-‘

‘You’ll get kicked out if you show everyone right this second,’ Eliza is quick to interrupt.

Hamilton pauses. ‘You're very right. Madison, come with me.’

‘What? No.’ Hamilton drags James out of his chair and into the direction of the toilets as her friends fall about laughing. James walks like a man being lead to his own execution, and with one last panicked look over his shoulder, disappears around the corner.

‘She's not actually showing him is she?’ Tallmadge asks uncertainly.

‘Oh, she definitely is,’ Laurens snorts.

Tallmadge looks hopeful, ‘do you think she’d show me?’

‘No.’

A few minutes later Hamilton and James emerge from the bathroom. James looks like he's suffering shell shock.

‘She does,’ James says once he's sat down. ‘And it is on her ass.’

~

They finally get kicked out of the bar in the early hours of the morning. On the pavement they stand about shivering, sorting out who’s going in which direction and who can share a taxi with who.

Thomas ends up in cab with Tallmadge, James, and Hamilton. Hamilton sits in between him and James, talking a mile a minute with Tallmadge about a new mentoring programme Eliza is starting, seemingly unconcerned by the fact she's jabbing her elbow into Thomas’ ribs every time she waves her hands to emphasise a point. By the time they reach Tallmadge’s stop he's agreed to get in touch with Eliza about becoming a mentor and Hamilton has given him such a joyful grin that he momentarily seems to forget how to speak.

He splutters in outrage when Tallmadge finds the balls to give Hamilton a kiss on the cheek and manages to headbutt him in the process. James does a very poor job of disguising his laugh as a cough.

‘He’s so lovely,’ Hamilton sighs once they're moving again.

‘He seems nice,’ James agrees.

He snorts. ‘He wants to get in your pants.’

‘What?’ Hamilton blinks. She turns to James for confirmation.

‘I don’t think he'd say no if you offered to show him your tattoo,’ James says tactfully.

Hamilton looks floored. ‘Oh.’

‘It must be shocking for a man to find you attractive,’ he says. ‘And obviously the poor boy is either blind or stupid. Perhaps both.’

‘Tommy,’ James chides. He turns to Hamilton, ‘ignore Thomas, I'm sure he's just jealous. Ask him out.’

Hamilton looks appalled, ‘who? Thomas?!’

James lets out a long-suffering sigh, ‘no, not Thomas. Ask Tallmadge out. I think he’d say yes.’

Thomas snorts, ‘he’s so into you it practically hurts. Give it a couple of years and you’ll be married and jaded and hate each other.’

‘Joke’s on you, Jefferson,’ Hamilton replies smugly. ‘My severe and crippling attachment issues, stemming from the fact my father walked out on me as a child, mean that I’ll never be able to fully trust a man enough to marry him.’

‘That’s actually really sad,’ James says finally.

‘You should consider therapy,’ the cab driver, who up until this point has been silent, pipes up.

‘Not only for your daddy issues but also for your chronic pathological need to overshare,’ he adds.

‘Hey, maybe if I fall in love with Jefferson he’ll leave too,’ Hamilton suggests brightly. James puts his head in his hands with a sigh.

~

Hamilton rubs her knuckles and Jefferson blinks as he feels his split lip. Washington storms out of his office and yells at Hamilton to get into his office. Now.

‘Daddy’s calling,’ Jefferson smirks.

‘Jefferson, get yourself cleaned up and wait outside,’ Washington snaps.

She keeps her head high as she walks to Washington’s office. Angelica gives her a nod of solidarity as she passes, Burr stares at her like she's just shit on the carpet right in front of him.

‘Do you want to explain what the hell that was about?’ Washington demands once the door’s shut behind her.

‘Jefferson started it,’ she's quick to say.

Washington looks a little bit like he's going to have a heart attack. ‘And yet he's the one bleeding.’

‘That’s because I finished it, sir.’

‘When was the last time you got more than four hours sleep?’ Washington asks.

The change in conversation throws her for a second. ‘That’s irrelevant, sir. I won't be spoken to the way he spoke to me. Not by him, not by anyone.’

‘You ignore it,’ he yells. ‘You rise above it like an adult.’

She shoots to her feet and slams her fist on the desk. ‘I ignore it every single day of my life and I'm sick of it. Angelica and I work twice as hard as every man here just to be heard.’

Outside the office Jefferson reports back to the silent room, ‘I think she's shouting back at Washington which is a novel approach. Gotta say I admire her balls.’

‘She’s gonna get fired,’ Burr says, more cheerfully than is perhaps called for in the situation.

Inside the office Hamilton finishes yelling and stares at Washington, chest heaving. This is definitely the part where she gets fired.

‘Sit down, Alexandra,’ Washington finally sighs. She slumps into the chair, suddenly very tired. ‘I'm sorry that it’s still hard to be a woman here. You and Angelica are the change we need, but I know it’s frustratingly slow. But you also can't punch your colleagues, even if they do deserve it.’ Her eyes dart to his face and he's looking at her with a tender expression on his face. ‘If you tell anyone I said this I will deny it until the day I day I die but I often want to punch Jefferson in the face too.’

‘It felt really good,’ she confesses with a tiny smile.

‘I wish I could have seen it,’ Washington says wistfully. He seems to remember where he is and shakes himself. ‘But nevertheless, you can't punch people. Get Jefferson in here.’

She opens the office door and gestures with her thumb for Jefferson to come in.

‘You been fired?’ he drawls.

‘Oh, you wish.’

‘Jefferson, you want to share your side of the story?’ Washington asks when they're both standing in front of his desk like naughty schoolchildren.

‘I was attacked without cause,’ Jefferson is quick to say.

‘Like hell you were,’ Alex snaps.

‘From what I've heard neither of you are innocent in this,’ Washington says firmly. Jefferson opens his mouth to say something but Washington’s glare shuts him up. ‘Both of you take a break. Two weeks.’

‘Sir, no!’

‘I don’t want to see either of you in this office, I don’t want calls, emails, text messages, letters, telegrams, carrier pigeons, or smoke signals. I want to have two weeks where I can forget the two of you exist.’

Alex gapes. Two weeks of doing what? Nothing? The thought makes her feel slightly ill. Jefferson seems to be taking this about as well as she is, laying out his argument about why he's being punished for something that wasn’t his fault.

‘Really, most people would be thrilled about two paid weeks off work,’ Washington says. ‘So make the most of it. I'm locking you out of the office intranet so you have no excuse not to catch up on some sleep.’ That’s aimed at her. ‘Now get out of my office before I decide I want an entire month without you.’

Neither of them speak as they grab their coats and laptops from their office. Hamilton is strongly tempted to punch Jefferson in the face a second time, just out of spite. She marches to the elevator, doing her best not to acknowledge Jefferson ambling alongside her.

‘I hope you know this is all your fault,’ Jefferson says as soon as the doors slide shut.

‘Let me see,’ she demands, catching his chin in her hand and pulling his face down so she can inspect his split lip. ‘Well I'm not a doctor but I imagine you'll survive.’ She pats his cheek sharply before letting go.

‘It hurts,’ he whines.

‘Serves you right.’

‘Yeah maybe. So what are you going to do with yourself for the next two weeks?’ he asks.

That wipes the smile off her face. ‘I don’t know how much work I’ll be able to get done without access to the intranet. I wonder if Angelica or Laf will let me use their login,’ she muses.

‘I'm sure Washington will be expecting you to do that and will probably threaten to fire them if they do. Just listen to his advice and take a break, you sure look like you could do with one.’

‘Oh, so what are you going to do? Lie on a beach somewhere and drink cocktails with little umbrellas?’

‘Although that sounds great, I’ll probably just head down to Monticello and get on top of admin there.’

‘That sounds thrilling,’ she replies sarcastically. ‘And you know, if you decided to stay there permanently I think I speak for everyone when I say we’d be okay with that.’

They step out onto the busy street. Jefferson ruffles her hair, something he knows she _hates_ , and gives her an impish grin. ‘See ya in two weeks. Try not to miss me too much.’

‘Bite me, Jefferson,’ she yells at his retreating back.

He turns around and winks at her, ‘I wouldn’t want to catch anything.’ She sticks her middle finger up at him before spinning on her heel and marching away.

~

 _Hamilton: 11:04:_ Herc, could you make me a suit that says ‘Jefferson sucks’ all over it??

 _Hamilton: 11:04:_ Like stitched into the fabric?

 _Hamilton: 11:05:_ Or maybe printed onto the fabric would be better?

 _Hamilton: 11:05:_ Will trust your judgement on this

 _Hamilton: 11:06:_ I’ll wear it when I murder Jefferson

 _Hamilton: 11:06:_ I’ll wear it when I get arrested

 _Hamilton: 11:06:_ And I’ll wear it when I successfully defend myself and get acquitted

 _Hamilton: 11:07:_ God I hate him so much

 _Hamilton: 11:07:_ He really is the worst

 _Hamilton: 11:11:_ Why are you ignoring me??

 _Hamilton: 11:15:_ You're the worst too :(

~

 _Hamilton: 14:46:_ Angelicaaaaa I'm bored

 _Hamilton: 14:46:_ So bored

 _Hamilton: 14:47:_ Please save me

 _Hamilton: 14:47:_ I tried to log onto work emails but Washington found out and threatened to add an extra day of exile for every time I try again

 _Hamilton: 14:48:_ Why do bad things happen to good people :(((((

 _Angelica: 14:50:_ We all saw you punch Jefferson in the face, you can't maintain that you're a good person

 _Hamilton: 14:51:_ I did it for the betterment of society. Really you should be thanking me… by letting me use your work login ;)

 _Angelica: 14:51:_ Hahahaha absolutely not. Washington threatened painful death to anyone who let you anywhere near anything work-related

 _Hamilton: 14:52:_ What am I supposed to do for two weeks?!?! I'm going to go insane >:-l

 _Angelica: 14:52:_ You could use this time to reflect on why no one likes the emojis you use

 _Angelica: 14:53:_ What's Jefferson doing?

 _Hamilton: 14:53:_ Going to Monticello. Probably going to spend the entire time staring at himself in the mirror

 _Hamilton: 14:54:_ Maybe I could break into the building and live in the women’s bathroom and work from there

 _Hamilton: 14:54:_ You'd have to bring me snacks obviously

 _Angelica: 14:55:_ Al, you sound insane

 _Hamilton: 14:55:_ Or… or I could hide in a big box and get myself delivered into the building and live in the post room

 _Angelica: 14:56:_ .....I'm officially worried about you

 _Hamilton: 14:56:_ What why??

~

‘Excuse me miss, but that goose is really aggressive and unless you move it will probably attack you.’

She's snapped out of her reverie by a man wearing overalls, holding a rake and pointing to a goose that is indeed waddling towards her with alarming determination. She wonders briefly if the man’s sole purpose is to warn park-goers about the goose and perhaps fight it off with the rake, but she spots the large pile of leaves beside him and dismisses the idea.

‘I'm going to let him take me,’ she says glumly. ‘Just to spite Washington.’

As the goose gets closer, she notices that it has _teeth_ and realises that perhaps death-by-goose isn't the way she wants to go. It’s only when she's making her hasty retreat from the hissing goose that she's reminded of the one other person who’s guaranteed to be sitting at home with no one to talk to either.


	3. Chapter 3

‘Hamilton? What the actual fuck?’ Thomas Jefferson stares in horror at the demon standing on his doorstep.

‘Hey Jefferson.’

‘Why are you in Virginia? _Why are you at my house?_ ’’ he half says, half shouts. He's hoping- praying- that this is all some horrible dream, yet when he rubs his eyes and opens them again, she's still standing there.

‘So, funny story. I saw a really angry goose and it made me think of you, and now I'm here. Crazy, huh?’ Hamilton looks a little bit better than when he last saw her, the dark circles under her eyes have faded slightly, but her eyes now have a slightly manic look about them.

‘How did you find out where I live?’ he asks.

‘Oh, that was the easy bit, the hard bit was actually getting here,’ Hamilton breezes.

He frowns at her in suspicion, ‘how _did_ you get here? Where did you park your car?’ She looks like she's just appeared on his doorstep out of nowhere, with just a suitcase for company- hold up. ‘Why do you have a suitcase?’

‘I thought it would be mega fun if I stayed here for a while. We can keep each other company.’

‘Nooo,’ he whimpers. ‘Hamilton, you're not staying here. Absolutely not.’

Hamilton has a good pair of puppy dog eyes, damn her. ‘Isn't there a rule about Southern hospitality or something? You can't kick me out now, I have nowhere to go.’

‘Get in your car and drive home,’ he says, even though he can hear his mother’s voice in his head lecturing him about not leaving a woman standing on the doorstep. Good job Hamilton isn't a woman, and is instead the devil incarnate.

‘I didn’t drive here, I don’t have a car. I hitchhiked,’ Hamilton replies cheerfully.

‘You did _what_?’

‘Hitchhiked? You know when you stick your thumb out on the side of the road and-‘

‘I know what hitchhiking is,’ he interrupts. ‘It’s so dangerous! You could have been murdered and dumped in a ditch.’

‘I'd have thought you'd be thrilled by the possibility.’

‘I hate your guts but I don’t want you to _die_!’ he exclaims.

She places a hand on her heart, ‘aww, Jefferson, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Are we having A Moment?’

‘Absolutely not. What the hell possessed you to risk your life to come down here?’ He's staring down at Hamilton like she's gone mad. In fact, he strongly suspects she has. She may have the courage of a lion, but she's tiny. Even if she does have a rather nasty right hook, he thinks, feeling his lip absently.

‘Can a girl not travel for hours to visit her sworn enemy without there being some sort of ulterior motive?’

‘Um no?’

Hamilton looks up at him with big, hopeful eyes, ‘everyone else is working too much to entertain me. Oh and there was the goose thing too but that’s more secondary. Although I do think it might have been a sign from the gods.’

He stares at her. She stares back. 

‘Just to be clear, we still hate each other, right?’ he queries.

Her smile is blinding. ‘Oh of course.’

‘I suppose you can come in then.’ They end up wrestling over who gets to carry her bags inside until he threatens to make her sleep in the shed if she doesn’t let him. She pouts and mutters about being perfectly able to carry her own bags but he ignores her.

~

 _Thomas: 17:24:_ JAMES!! Please explain to me why Hamilton is here at Monticello

 _James: 17:24:_ She's _what?!?!_

 _James: 17:24:_ Are you sure?!

 _Thomas: 17:25:_ Of course I'm sure!

 _James: 17:25:_ Just checking you're not going mad, don’t get your knickers in a twist ;) Did she say why she's there?

 _Thomas: 17:26:_ Because she's bored apparently

 _James: 17:26:_ She’s probably going to murder you in your sleep :)

 _Thomas: 17:28:_ Why does that warrant a smiley face?! Are you in on this?? Did you tell her where I lived??

 _James: 17:29_ : Of course not! Upset you'd even ask that :(

 _Thomas: 17:29:_ I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! Please come down and rescue me this weekend. I’ll make it worth your while ;)

 _James: 17:30:_ …why did you end that sentence with a wink? Are you trying to bribe me with sexual favours? We’re both straight Thomas, that won't work

 _Thomas: 17:31:_ IT WAS A TYPO! It was meant to be the smiley face. Sad that you're rebuffing my sexual advances though :(

 _James: 17:31:_ _We’re both straight_! But if we weren’t we’d make a lovely couple

 _Thomas: 17:32:_ That’s very true. But will you come to Monticello??

 _James: 17:32:_ Anything for you, sweetheart ;)

 _Thomas: 17:32:_ I don’t deserve you

 _James: 17:33:_ You're right, you don’t. You owe me big time for voluntarily coming to spend time with Hamilton

 _Thomas: 17:34:_ It will be fun, we’ll ditch Hamilton and go drinking

 _James: 17:34:_ You better be paying! 

_James: 17:35:_ Got to go, Angelica just threw a stapler at Burr because he tried to flirt with her again

 _Thomas: 17:35:_ Go sort those ruffians out. Love you <3

 _James: 17:36:_ Love you too <3

~

‘Your draft is stupid.’

‘Well your hair is stupid.’

‘Your face is stupid!’

~

‘I'm not being dramatic but I think you might be the stupidest person I've ever met,’ Alex muses.

‘That’s rich coming from you. This is quite possibly the worst piece of legislation I've ever laid my eyes upon. What happened on the third page? Did you just bang your head against the keyboard and move on?’

‘And yet it’s somehow still better than anything you’ve ever written,’ she shoots back smugly. Jefferson glares at her and she innocently smiles back. One day in and the tentative peace of yesterday has been forgotten.

~

‘I'm going to strangle you.’

‘You aren't tall enough.’

‘You’ve sunk low enough for me to reach!’

~

‘This is an intervention,’ Alex says grimly. Jefferson looks up guiltily, a box of mac and cheese in his hands. She's been at Monticello for three days and this will be the fourth time Jefferson has made mac and cheese for them. ‘Give me the mac and cheese, Jefferson,’ she commands.

He clutches the box to his chest. ‘No. You can't take my mac and cheese away from me.’

She marches over and tries to pry it out of his grip. ‘Someone needs to!’

‘Don’t you dare,’ he hisses, holding it even tighter.

‘Your obsession isn't healthy,’ she grinds out. ‘Mac and cheese isn't even that nice.’ Jefferson lets go so quickly that she stumbles back a step. He's staring at her like she's grown an extra head.

‘What do you mean it isn't that nice? It’s the best food in the world.’

Now she's staring at him like he's the one that has the extra head. ‘On what planet, Jefferson? Mac and cheese from a box is white person food. It tastes like cardboard!’

‘How dare you speak against mac and cheese in my house?’

‘I'm sorry but everyone agrees with me,’ she says. ‘You should make something else once in a while. Have you heard of something called a vegetable?’

‘Says you! I'm not sure if you're aware, but coffee isn't a food group.’

‘I can cook!’ she protests hotly.

He raises a disbelieving eyebrow. ‘Can you actually?’

‘Well no… but neither can you,’ she shoots back triumphantly.

‘I bet I'm still better than you.’

‘I’ll take that bet. How hard can it be?’

~

‘I think something’s on fire.’

‘Oh shit, the onions! Hamilton, you were supposed to keep an eye on them.’

‘I was too busy trying to save the rice to worry about the onions.’ She's peering into the saucepan with a frown, is it supposed to be a solid lump like that?

‘How do I know if the chicken is cooked?’ Jefferson asks.

‘Eat some and if you die, I’ll know it’s not cooked yet,’ she suggests. Jefferson's kitchen looks like it’s been bombed. Rice has made its way onto every surface, including, she strongly suspects, inside her bra. Jefferson has a smudge of flour on his forehead. The smell of burning onions assaults her nose, and the kitchen sink is piled high with various utensils and pots and pans.

It had been a sound idea. They'd gone out and bought ‘101 Easy Recipes for Beginners’ and some ingredients. They'd fought over what to make but eventually settled on chicken curry. Then Jefferson had announced he was making chocolate brownies too. Probably just to one-up her.

A timer goes off and she's not sure whether it’s for her rice or Jefferson's brownies but Jefferson shoves her out of the way of the oven in his haste to check on his brownies.

‘Oh,’ he breathes when he pulls them out. They look perfect. They smell good enough to die for. ‘Don’t you fucking dare,’ he snaps when she goes to poke them. ‘My babies,’ he coos.

‘You know we're going to eat your babies right?’ He ignores her.

The curry is mostly edible and that’s about the most that can be said about it. The rice is somehow simultaneously burnt and under-cooked, and the curry itself is so sweet it’s bordering on a dessert but they eat it anyway. The brownies though… Alex lets out a low moan as she takes her first bite.

‘So good. Try yours,’ she says through a mouthful of brownie. Jefferson's own hand with the brownie is hovering halfway to his mouth and he's staring at her. ‘Seriously, so yummy.'

‘Oh my god,’ he whispers once he's finally deposited some brownie in his mouth. He meets her eyes. ‘So good.’ She gives her wide-eyed agreement.

~

‘And you actually made these? From scratch?’ James Madison asks for the second time. He's staring at the brownie in front of him like it holds the secrets to the universe. Jefferson had been far more excited to see his friend when he’d turned up than he had been to see her when she’d first arrived.

‘Yes,’ Jefferson replies, not even trying to hide his smugness. 'You should have heard the noises Hamilton made when she first tried them.'

'He's never made a woman moan like that before and probably never will again,' Alex tells Madison. Madison chokes on his brownie.

'I hate you,' Jefferson snaps. 'Anyway, you're just salty because I'm better at cooking than you.'

‘Beginner’s luck,’ Alex is quick to point out.

‘Well you didn’t have much beginner’s luck with the rice,’ Jefferson shoots back.

‘Hey, I wasn’t the one who messed that up, you can take equal blame.’

Madison looks between the two of them dumbfounded. ‘Neither of you know how to boil rice?’

‘Well after last night we now know how _not_ to boil rice,’ she replies.

‘You know some people think you're both fully-functioning adults?’ Madison says.

She frowns at her laptop, ‘no one who’s met me would ever think that.’

‘That’s actually very true.’

‘Jamesey, there's a meeting at Seabury’s place tonight if you want to go,’ Jefferson says. Alex's ears prick up.

‘What kind of meeting? Are you both in a cult?’

Jefferson shot her a withering look. ‘Of course not. It’s a meeting for farmers.’

She looks between them blankly. ‘Neither of you are farmers.’

‘Wow, nothing gets past you does it? You must have been a fantastic lawyer.’

‘She was actually a really good lawyer,’ Madison pipes up.

Jefferson swings around to glare at him. ‘Whose side are you on, James?’

Madison puts his hands up in surrender. ‘Yours of course. Sorry.’ Alex tries not to grin when Madison shoots her the world’s quickest wink when Jefferson isn't looking.

‘It’s about farmers’ rights,’ Jefferson continues. ‘Usually we bitch about you, your stupid ideas, and your stupid taxes.’

‘Oh we do the same thing back home, except Hercules makes tiny little Jefferson voodoo dolls and then we stick pins in them,’ she says brightly. She turns to Madison, ‘if you want one I can hook you up.’

‘N-no, it’s okay but thanks,’ he stutters, as Jefferson's glare burns holes in the side of her head.

‘Well if you're going to this lame farmer convention thing then I want to come too,’ she announces.

‘Absolutely not,’ Jefferson is quick to say.

‘You probably wouldn’t like it,’ Madison adds. ‘It’s a lot of arguing about who has the best tractor and stuff like that.’

‘I love arguing,’ she says.

‘Which is why you're not invited,’ Jefferson says flatly.

‘Okay you go to your loser meeting and just drop me at a bar,’ she suggests.

‘Can you drop me off too?’ Madison asks hopefully.

Jefferson glares at him but he smiles innocently back. ‘I don’t want to go to Seabury’s alone, you know I hate his stupid face.’

‘Ooh, why? Did he pull your pigtails in middle school?’ she asks.

‘He’s annoying.’

‘So are you?’

‘You know what, we’re all going to a bar. I need to be at least four drinks in to be able to deal with you, Hamilton,’ Jefferson says. She leans over to high five Madison.

~

‘I'm ready!’ Hamilton announces brightly from the doorway behind him. Thomas looks up and immediately chokes on his whiskey. James is scared to look.

‘What are you wearing?’ Thomas gets out when he remembers how to breathe. Hamilton walks around to the couch James is currently sat on and throws herself down next to him.

‘It’s a dress, Jefferson,’ she says with a roll of her eyes.

‘It’s so short,’ Thomas gapes.

‘The designer used your dick as inspiration,’ Hamilton shoots back. James leans back, he thinks he might have just witnessed a murder.

‘You look pretty,’ he says quickly, concerned about the angry shade of red Thomas’ face has gone.

‘You don’t have the ass to pull off that dress,’ Thomas sneers.

Hamilton snorts, ‘that’s where you're wrong.’

‘You have the worst sense of style of anyone I've ever met,’ Thomas continues. ‘Sometimes I look at you and feel physically sick.’

‘Says the guy that confidently walks around in that awful pink coat!’

‘It’s not pink, it’s magenta,’ Jefferson corrects.

‘It’s horrific.’

‘I look ravishing in that coat.’

‘You don’t, it washes you out and makes you look pale and sickly,’ Hamilton says.

James interrupts before it descends into a full-on argument, ‘I feel like we’re all missing the point here. Hamilton why on earth did you bring that dress with you? What kind of thing did you think you'd be getting up to in Monticello?’

‘You didn’t pack it try and… seduce me, did you?’ Thomas asks sounding appalled. Hamilton laughs like it’s the funniest thing she's ever heard. She laughs so much she has to wipe tears from her eyes, then she looks up at Thomas and starts all over again. ‘It’s really not that funny,’ Thomas mutters.

‘It’s funny because you're so fiercely unattractive,’ Hamilton laughs. James winces, this evening is not going well for Thomas at all.

~

James Madison is a good friend. He's come all the way to Monticello to prevent Thomas from murdering Hamilton, even though he strongly suspects he has a cold coming on. He's bought Thomas a drink to try and help him forget that Hamilton implied he had a small dick. And now he's sat in a crowded bar as Thomas and Hamilton throw insults at each other, whilst simultaneously trying to drink the other person under the table.

‘You know who says shit like that?’ Hamilton asks. ‘Burr.’

Thomas gasps, ‘how dare you? Take it back.’

‘I won't. Really you should be apologising to me for making me listen to your stupid ideas. I've never heard anything as-‘

‘Guys, _please_ can we talk about something other than work?’ James interrupts. ‘It’s alright for you two, you have another week off, I have to go back on Monday.’

‘I wish I could go back on Monday too. Do you think Washington would let me back?’ Hamilton asks hopefully.

James thinks about how blessedly quiet the office has been without Hamilton there. ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath. But seriously, no more work talk.’

‘Shall we talk about your tragic love lives instead?’ Hamilton asks. ‘Because I've got questions.’ James and Thomas share a look.

‘Alternatively, we could talk about literally _anything_ else,’ Thomas suggests.

Hamilton smile is so wide it borders on criminally insane, ‘I could be your wingwoman.’

‘Absolutely not,’ James is quick to say. 

‘I'm a great wingwoman,’ Hamilton says cheerfully, already scanning the busy bar.

‘Since when?’ Thomas asks.

‘Who do you think set Herc and Laf up?’ she says smugly. ‘But I really am good, I think it’s my experience as a lawyer, I'm very persuasive. Don’t worry Jefferson, I reckon I could convince someone that even you were worth giving the benefit of the doubt.’

‘Thanks,’ Thomas replies dryly. Hamilton’s bright-eyed from the alcohol and is inspecting other bar patrons with single-minded determination.

She turns back to Thomas and assesses him critically, ‘just don’t open your mouth and ruin your chances. And for god’s sake do something with your hair, it looks like a sad animal just committed suicide in it.’ She turns her attention to James, deftly straightening his collar before patting him on the cheek. ‘You look adorable. Just try not to sneeze on them.’

‘I don’t want you to send a woman over here,’ James says in a sudden panic.

‘Would you prefer a man?’ Hamilton asks seriously, dragging her gaze back from scanning the bar to meet his own.

‘I'd prefer to be left alone,’ he says.

She frowns, ‘but you're a catch. Jefferson is about as attractive as a troll, but you have a chance of actually finding someone.’ Thomas makes a noise of indignation.

He blushes, ‘I'm not but thank you.’

Hamilton reaches over and grabs his hand, squeezing it tightly. ‘I'm never wrong and I say you're a catch, okay?’

‘Okay,’ he mumbles. When he glances up Thomas is glaring at their joined hands like they're vipers. ‘I'd still be happier if you didn’t try and act as our wingwoman.’

Hamilton lets go of his hand and rolls her eyes. ‘You two are so boring.’ She gets to her feet with a slight wobble. ‘Well I'm going to find me a nice Southern man,’ she says with a wink before sauntering away on her impossibly high heels. James can't help but notice Thomas cock his head and watch her walk away.

‘Maybe she does have the ass for that dress,’ Thomas muses.

‘Tommy, what the hell is going on?’ he asks. Thomas drags his eyes away from Hamilton’s backside.

‘What?’

‘With you and Hamilton,’ he says in exasperation.

‘Nothing?’ Thomas tries, and fails, to look innocent.

‘Oh really? Then why do you have that look on your face?’

‘What look?’

‘The love-sick puppy look.’

Thomas takes a glug of his drink before glancing around to make sure Hamilton isn't within earshot. ‘She looks nice is all.’ Sirens start to blare in James' head. ‘I still hate her with the passion of a thousand suns though.’ The word ‘passion’ is concerning but he's reassured that his friend has just been distracted by the shortness of the green dress and nothing more. Now that he thinks about it, maybe Hamilton does look strangely attractive this evening.

~

‘She's been out all night,’ Thomas whines. It’s the next morning and James and Thomas are nursing coffees in the front room.

‘You’ve said that at least five times this morning,’ James sighs. ‘Anyone would think you're jealous.’

Thomas splutters and turns pink. ‘I am _not_. I just think it’s rude she hasn’t let us know she's still alive. You know I'd be the first suspect if she ended up missing or dead.’

‘She texted you last night saying she wasn’t coming back. Remember, you got really angry because she sent three winky faces?’

‘She’s so unsubtle,’ Thomas fumes.

‘I think I can see her coming now.’ Thomas leaps up and peers out the window.

‘Is she on my lawn? The one that clearly has a sign saying to keep off the grass?’

‘It sure looks like it. I'm sure she's doing it deliberately to piss you off.’

‘I bet she is!’ Thomas exclaims, James' sarcasm going straight over his head. James says goodbye to a quiet Sunday morning when Thomas throws open the front door and marches outside to yell at Hamilton for daring to walk on his grass.

He drains his coffee mug and goes to calm his friend down before he has a heart attack over a piece of lawn.


	4. Chapter 4

‘Please stop yelling,’ Hamilton whimpers as she approaches. She's wearing last night’s clothes and shading her eyes from the sunlight which is far brighter than it has any right to be. ‘My head hurts.’

‘Why are you on my lawn?’ Jefferson demands. ‘Didn’t you see the signs?’ She looks at him in confusion as she nears where him and Madison are waiting.

‘What signs?’

‘The ones about not walking on the grass. It churns the ground up,’ Jefferson says. She pulls a face, trust Jefferson to be weird about his lawn.

‘I didn’t want to walk on the gravel, I lost my shoe,’ she says somewhat pitifully, lifting the single shoe hanging loosely from her finger.

‘How did you lose your shoe?’ Madison asks.

She shrugs, ‘my life is a mess.’ She looks between the grass she's standing on, the safety of the marble steps, and frowns at the gravel driveway in between.

‘Do you think I'd be able to-‘

‘Nope,’ Madison interrupts. She reckons she could perhaps make the leap if she had a good run up. Maybe not in this dress though. ‘You could hop?’ he suggests.

She's aghast, ‘in this shoe? I'd break an ankle.’

‘Shouldn’t have lost your other shoe then, should you?’ Jefferson says smugly.

‘You could piggy back me over?’ she suggests innocently. Jefferson laughs like it’s the funniest thing he's ever heard. ‘Madison?’ she asks hopefully.

‘I have a bad back,’ he says quickly.

‘Jefferson, please,’ she pouts. ‘Either piggy back me, or lie across the ground so I can walk over you like a bridge.’

Jefferson snorts, ‘you're real funny, Hamilton.’

‘I wish I could say the same thing about you,’ she mutters darkly under her breath.

She tries to hide the wince as she steps onto the gravel but fails, has Jefferson invested in extra sharp gravel?

‘Hamilton,’ Jefferson starts.

‘No, I'm doing it,’ she replies.

‘Oh, for goodness sake,’ Jefferson exclaims. He crouches in front of her. ‘Get on.’

‘No, I'm doing it myself,’ she says resolutely.

‘Don’t be stubborn.’

‘I'm not stubborn.’ Madison snorts in amusement from the steps.

‘Just do it before you impale your foot on something sharp.’ She shakes her head doggedly then lets out a shriek as Jefferson scoops her up in his arms and carries her until she's dumped unceremoniously on the couch, where she almost bounces right off again. Instead she just lies there groaning pathetically.

‘Why did you do that? I think I'm going to be sick.’

‘Don’t you dare vomit on my antique couch,’ Jefferson says.

She pulls a cushion over her face, ‘leave me here to die.’

‘She's beauty and she grace,’ Madison sing-songs.

‘She’ll punch you in the face,’ she threatens darkly.

~

After four cups of coffee, a chocolate brownie, and a shower, she's feeling less like a zombie and more like a functioning human being. Jefferson and Madison are curled up together under a blanket which is, she’ll admit, kind of cute. She's stretched out on the other couch, staring up at the ceiling.

‘Where did it go wrong?’ she asks the two men.

‘Jamesy wasn’t feeling well, so we came home,’ Jefferson says. She feels like that might be a little bit of a lie but lets it slide.

‘Anyway, what happened to you?’ Madison says, slightly accusingly.

‘I ended up at Seabury’s loser convention. You're right, he is a dick.’

‘You did _what_?’ Jefferson gapes.

‘Don’t worry, I totally won every argument.’

‘Funnily enough that wasn’t what concerned me about the whole situation.’

‘He called me an enemy of the state!’ she exclaims gleefully.

‘But you sent three winky faces,’ Jefferson says. ‘Three.’

‘Well at one point I thought we were going to end up having hate-sex, but then I compared him to a dog with mange and it sort of went downhill from there.’

Jefferson looks appalled. ‘You considered having sex with _Seabury_? How desperate are you?’

‘Somehow still not desperate enough to consider sleeping with you,’ she supplies cheerfully.

‘Me _ow_ ,’ Madison smirks.

‘I don’t know why I invited you here James,’ Jefferson sniffs. ‘You’ve done nothing but betray me all weekend.’

‘I think you forget that Madison actually quite likes me,’ she says. ‘Whilst you were off in Paris, Madison and I spent many late nights in the office together.’

Jefferson looks between them both. ‘What?’

‘It’s true,’ she purrs. ‘Madison and I know each other _very_ well.’

‘ _What?!’_ ’

Madison rolls his eyes at her, ‘I do not appreciate the implication that we know each other in an… intimate way.’

Alex cackles. ‘Okay we may have got quite that far, but you definitely do like me.’

‘I enjoyed working with you,’ Madison says diplomatically. ‘You were very passionate about our work.’

She turns to face Jefferson. ‘Madison likes my _passion_ ,’ she says smugly.

‘I don’t like whatever it is you think you're doing,’ Jefferson says.

‘And what is it you think I'm doing?’ she asks, grinning like a shark.

‘All I know is that it’s making me want to set my own hair on fire.’

‘Has anyone ever told you you're a drama queen?’ she asks. Madison snorts and unsuccessfully tries to disguise it as a cough.

Jefferson untangles himself from the blankets on the sofa and gets to his feet. ‘We’re not sitting around here all afternoon so you can insult me.’ She can't see what he's doing behind the couch she's lying on but she watches Madison’s eyes widen in fear.

‘Thomas no.’

Jefferson emerges into view again with a manic smile on his face, Monopoly clutched in his hands.

‘Yes,’ she grins, jumping up from the couch. ‘Shotgun being the battleship.’

‘Thomas remember what happened last time,’ Madison warns.

Jefferson scoffs, ‘not my fault Burr’s a bad loser.’

‘I'm going to wipe the floor with you both,’ she grins happily.

‘I want to go home now,’ Madison mumbles.

They fight over who should be the banker for almost ten minutes before they start. Alex points out she's the treasury secretary and is an obvious fit, but Jefferson argues that she's an awful treasury secretary and therefore he should be the banker. In the end Madison points out he has to get back to the city that evening and doesn’t have all day to argue. Hamilton ends up as the banker and it all goes downhill from there.

‘Pay your fucking taxes Jefferson. Pay your taxes!’

‘Thomas, I'm sorry but I don’t want to be your friend if you're going to be like this. Please calm down.’

‘I hope you rot in jail, Hamilton.’

‘Jamesy, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean it.’

‘Suck my dick, Jefferson!’

The game comes to an abrupt end when Jefferson launches himself across the board at Hamilton and attempts to smother her with an ornamental cushion.

Madison makes his excuses to leave not long after that.

~

‘Jefferson,’ she hisses into the darkness. ‘ _Jefferson._ ’ There's a groan and she flicks on the light.

‘What the fuck?’

‘I've been thinking,’ she starts, moving towards Jefferson.

‘What the actual _fuck_?’ Jefferson repeats. ‘Why are you in my bedroom?’ His accent is even more pronounced than usual and his hair is squashed on one side as he blinks at her from his bed. He looks like an adorable angry bear.

‘Because I had this amazing idea about the tampon tax,’ she replies enthusiastically.

‘No. This is a terrible nightmare,’ Jefferson groans, pulling a pillow over his face and screaming into it. ‘You did not wake me up at three in the morning to talk about tampons.’

‘Okay but here’s the thing,’ she says, perching on the side of his bed and trying to show him the notes she's made. ‘I was looking at-‘

‘Get out of my room,’ Jefferson growls. ‘And for god’s sake, turn the light out.’ He does sound pretty pissed off, although she can't help but notice that he's shirtless, and from what she can see he has amazingly defined shoulders and arms- when is he finding time to go to the gym? She reaches over and switches off the light before he catches her eyeing him up. ‘Hamilton, I can still feel you sat next to me.’

‘But I really wanted to talk about the tampon tax.’

‘Please shut up before I murder you,’ Jefferson says in the darkness next to her. ‘Lie down and close your eyes.’

‘You gonna sing me a lullaby?’ she smirks.

‘Don’t push your luck.’

A thought hits her after a few seconds of silence. ‘You're not naked are you?’

Jefferson lets out a low groan. ‘No, I'm not naked, so please stop talking.’

She really does only plan on sitting there for a minute or two, but her eyes feel so heavy, and she’s been up for hours writing.

The last thing she's aware of is the blankets being pulled over her and her glasses being gently removed.

~

She wakes up slowly the next morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Jefferson's arm is draped over her waist. Oh god. No. She says a brief prayer of thanks that it’s only his arm as she's pretty sure her soul would depart her body if they were spooning.

She wiggles out from under his arm, stiffening when he grumbles something unintelligible, but she makes it out unscathed.

‘Cute jammies,’ Jefferson says as she's opening the door. She almost jumps out of her skin. ‘And I like the glasses too, real hipster.’ She flicks him the bird over her shoulder. His low laughter follows her down the hall back to her own room.

~

‘Tell me about this tampon tax then’ Jefferson says over a bagel later that morning once he's finally emerged from his room. She's been in the kitchen for hours, practically glued to the coffee machine and her laptop.

‘I'm going to get rid of it,’ she says confidently, barely looking up from her laptop as she slides across her notes. Jefferson reads them as he sips his coffee and makes a ‘hmm’ noise once he's done.

‘You aint gonna get rid of anything if this is your way of going about it,’ he says. ‘Especially if you're using this as your opening argument.’

‘That was just my first draft,’ she says.

‘Washington is going to be pissed that you're meant to taking a break and instead you’ve launched into a new project.’

‘Washington can suck my dick,’ she says vaguely. She realises what she's said and looks up from her laptop screen with a frown. ‘I didn’t mean that, I love him.’

‘Oh, and he loves you too,’ Jefferson says with a hint of bitterness in his voice. ‘You’re his little favourite.’

‘I don’t think he’s allowed to have favourites,’ she points out

Jefferson snorts. ‘That hasn’t stopped him though, has it? It probably takes every bit of self-control he has to stop himself giving you a standing ovation every time you speak.’

She laughs, ‘are you kidding? I'm in his office every other day being yelled at about something I've done.’

‘Only because he's preparing you to take his place when he steps down.’

She gapes at Jefferson. ‘That’s not true at all.’ Jefferson doesn’t look convinced but for once doesn’t argue. She can't help but smugly add: ‘and even if I am his favourite, I wouldn’t blame him, I am far superior to you in every way.’

~

Jefferson has a stupidly swanky car and nearly has a heart attack when she tries to prop her feet up on the dash. He also threatens to leave her on the side of the road no fewer than four times before they stop for lunch on their way back to New York. She's been trying to gain control over the music all drive but Jefferson won't let her choose anything so the car is filled with the sounds of his weird French pop music.

‘Shall we play I spy again?’ she suggests for what may be the hundredth time.

‘No,’ he groans. ‘Please no more I spy.’

‘Okay, I've been thinking-‘

Jefferson side-eyes her, ‘that’s a dangerous pastime for someone whose brain is as tiny as yours.’

‘-you obviously really enjoyed Paris,’ she continues as if he hasn’t spoken. ‘And I really don’t think anyone would be mad if you decided to go back there. Permanently.’

‘Nice try, Hammie. But who would stop you and Angelica terrorising the office if I left?’

‘We do not terrorise the office.’

‘You do. Remember last year when you did that half marathon for charity and wouldn’t leave anyone alone until they'd sponsored you.’

‘We raised over two thousand dollars for Narrative,’ she protests. It had been an unspoken agreement that they'd raise money for Eliza’s charity. They'd only been so tenacious about it because they knew what a worthy cause it was. 

‘Only because everyone was too scared to say no to you both.’

She shoots him a knife-sharp grin. ‘Well that’s their problem isn't it?’

‘John Jay almost had a breakdown because you kept accosting him right outside the men’s toilets.’

‘I know exactly what the guy earns after tax, he could definitely afford to sponsor us for more than three dollars. And that was collectively. That’s one dollar fifty each!'

‘Sounds about right to me.'

‘It was for _charity_ ,’ she exclaims. ‘And anyway, he donated fifty dollars in the end so it worked out okay for everyone.’

‘He only gave you the money so you'd let him piss in peace.’

‘You think I liked hanging out by the men’s bathroom?’ She grimaces at the memory.

‘The less I think about you and your weird idiosyncrasies, the better I sleep at night,’ Jefferson drawls.


	5. Chapter 5

‘It has been horrific without you. I swear, you're the only person I like in the entire building,’ Angelica says, sipping her coffee, her feet propped up on Alex's desk.

‘Well I have first-hand experience that Jefferson is just as much of an asshole in Virginia as he is here,’ she says.

‘Hamilton, I am sat _right here_ ,’ Jefferson grinds out from his desk. ‘And shouldn’t the two of you be working, not gossiping?’ They both shoot him matching unimpressed looks.

‘We are working, asshole,’ Angelica says.

‘Sure doesn’t look like it,’ Jefferson mutters under his breath. They ignore him.

‘Eliza asked me to thank you for the help with her speech, apparently it went down very well and everyone laughed at the soup story,’ Angelica says.

‘Tell her she owes me some of her banana bread,’ she grins. Eliza’s baking skills are legendary, and Alex is more than happy to help her with anything she needs in return for a cake.

‘Tell her yourself,’ Angelica snorts. ‘Come over Friday for dinner. Peggy is coming too and bringing her new girlfriend.’

There's a knock on the office door, she's guessing it’s Burr because he always knocks the same way, which is both incredibly weird and useful because it makes it easier to hide from him.

‘Come in,’ Jefferson calls. Burr looks relieved to see her which is never good.

‘I'm so glad I found you both. Lafayette says you both speak French?’ Burr looks between her and Jefferson expectantly.

‘Did he also tell you that Hamilton butchers the language with her awful accent?’ Jefferson asks.

‘He said Hamilton has an interesting way of expressing herself,’ Burr says.

Angelica snorts, ‘there are tears of pain in his eyes every time she speaks French in front of him.’

‘My French is great,’ she shoots back. ‘And which of us speaks four languages fluently? I’ll give you a clue: it’s me.’

‘Very impressive,’ Burr says flatly. ‘We have a French businessman visiting on Thursday and I need one of you to babysit him with Lafayette.’

‘I can't,’ Jefferson says quickly.

‘Why not?’ Alex asks through narrowed eyes.

‘I just can't,’ he shrugs easily.

Burr fixes his beady eyes on her. ‘Hamilton you can do it then. I'm sure I don’t need to tell you how important this is. Please just… say as little as you possibly can and let Lafayette do the talking. Do not mess this up. Oh, and maybe wear something pretty?’ Before she can call him out on his parting statement the door is already closing and she can only share a fed-up look with Angelica.

‘Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Jefferson,’ she hisses.

‘I didn’t want to deprive you of the opportunity to wear something pretty,’ Jefferson shoots back. ‘Oh wait, Burr’s going to be disappointed because even when you're trying to look nice you still look like a potato.’

‘Asshole,’ she mutters under her breath.

Angelica gives her a wry smile. ‘Bet you ten dollars Frenchie turns out to be a creep.’

‘I have eternal optimism that the male race may yet pleasantly surprise me, so I’ll take that bet.’

~

Alex slams down a crisp note on Angelica's desk.

‘I was way too optimistic. He’s a massive creep,’ she says. Angelica pockets the ten dollars with a smirk of triumph.

‘He’s French, of course he was going to be creepy,’ Angelica says.

‘Laf’s French and he's not creepy,’ she points out.

‘He’s the exception that proves the rule,’ Angelica says smugly. Alex glances over her shoulder in the corridor to make sure Burr isn't lurking, or worse the French businessman.

‘What do I do, Angie? Laf has taken him out to get coffee but they’ll expect me to join them again when they’re back. Burr’s been telling me all week how important it is that this goes well because he might donate to Washington’s campaign, but if I have to spend any more time with the guy I’ll flip my shit.’

‘First of all, never call me Angie again,’ Angelica says with a flat look. ‘And then I dunno? Just push him in front of a bus?’

‘Burr would be mad,’ she points out.

‘Just hide from him until he leaves.’

‘But what if Burr finds out? For some reason he's got it into his head that the stupid man needs two of us to babysit him, probably because he knows how much of a twat he is,’ Alex says.

Angelica shrugs and pulls out a nail file, ‘just make sure he doesn’t find out.’

Alex checks the corridor again to make sure they’re still alone. She’d wonder about where Lee was too if she didn’t strongly suspect he was snorting cocaine in the men’s bathroom. ‘Jefferson will grass.’

‘Offer to suck his dick in return for his silence,’ Angelica replies without looking up from her nails.

She tries not to choke on her own saliva. ‘Why would you even suggest that?’

‘Because you're boring me and I want you to leave my office but I'm too polite to say so.’

Alex huffs indignantly, ‘fine, be no help at all. I hope your nails fall off.’

‘Love you too,’ Angelica replies, blowing her a kiss as she leaves the office.

She hurries as fast as she can to her own office, ducking behind a filing cabinet when she thinks she hears Burr but it turns out to just be John Jay.

She practically throws herself into her office, chest heaving. Jefferson and Madison give her matching looks of surprise.

‘Have you been running?’ Madison frowns in confusion.

‘Yes. No. Don’t worry about that. I need to talk to Jefferson,’ she says, hoping they pick up on the note of urgency in her voice.

‘Nothing you can say to me you can't say in front of James,’ Jefferson says. She wants to argue but she's running out of time, there's only so long it takes to get coffee.

‘I want a…’ -she struggles to get the word out- ‘favour, Jefferson.’

Jefferson's eyes light up. ‘Oh really?’

‘Try not to be a dick, for once in your life,’ she barks.

‘Insulting me is an interesting way of getting me on your side,’ Jefferson smirks.

‘I'm sorry,’ she grinds out. ‘Please help a gal out by not grassing on me to Burr when I hide from the French businessman.’

‘Why would I want to do that?’ he sniffs.

‘Because you'd be doing me a massive favour and could lord it over me for the next five years or so?’ she suggests.

‘You want to punch this French guy in the face don’t you?’ Madison asks.

‘So badly,’ she exhales. ‘But Burr would straight up kill me and I need him onside for something I have coming up. Please Jefferson.’

‘What do I get out of it?’

‘My brief but sincere gratitude?’ she offers, giving him a sincere smile that lasts all of a second before she lets it drop.

He snorts. ‘That’s a hard no.’

‘Please Jefferson, I'm begging you,’ she says, a note of desperation in her voice.

‘Then beg.’

‘What?’

Jefferson raises a challenging eyebrow, ‘you heard me. Get down on your knees and beg.’

She grinds her teeth and for once bites her tongue. She hesitates for a split-second running through her options.

‘I don’t beg,’ she says finally.

‘But you considered it,’ Jefferson smirks. ‘Shame you decided not to, I'd have enjoyed seeing you on your knees.’

‘I bet you would,’ she mutters. Madison clears his throat awkwardly.

Moments later the door flies open and Burr strides in. ‘You,’ he says, jabbing a finger in her direction, ‘are meant to be charming the pants off Monsieur Sicard.’

‘Gosh, I really wish I could,’ she laments. ‘Because I'm very good at charming men out of their clothes-’ Madison snorts- ‘but I'm afraid I can't.’

‘Why not?’ Burr asks through narrowed eyes.

‘I need to buy tampons.’ Burr flinches like she's hit him. ‘Very heavy flow and cramps like you wouldn’t believe,’ she adds cheerfully.

Burr looks pained, ‘I don’t want to hear about your… lady business.’

‘I'm glad you understand why I can't help with Sicard, but funnily enough Jefferson was just telling me how much he wanted to meet him so I'm sure he’d be more than happy to help.’ Jefferson shoots her a venomous look. She sighs dramatically, ‘it’s just so hard being a woman.’

‘Oh, for goodness sake,’ Burr snaps. ‘Come on then Jefferson, Sicard and Lafayette are down the hall.’ Burr turns on his heel and marches off.

‘Well played, Hammie,’ Jefferson says on his way out. ‘Well played.’

~

‘I can't believe we leave the financial decisions of our country to a woman who has recently published a blog post titled: Jefferson Is A Dick And Here’s Why, Part Fourteen,’ Jefferson says to Washington across the large wooden table.

‘She made some very valid points,’ Washington says mildly.

Hamilton beams, ‘I'm currently working on part fifteen so if you have anything to contribute just let me know.’

~

‘What are you doing?’ Alex jumps so violently she almost falls out the window. She hastily puts the cigarette out and drops it. ‘Are you smoking?’

She spins to face Jefferson. ‘No?’ she says, and perhaps it would be more believable if smoke hadn’t come out of her mouth as she spoke.

‘You are!’

‘Don’t you dare tell anyone,’ she hisses. ‘What are you doing in here anyway? No one ever uses this room.’

‘I didn’t know you smoked,’ Jefferson continues, looking strangely thrilled at this recent development. He ignores her question.

She glares at him. ‘I don’t smoke okay? It was one little cigarette. Don’t you dare tell Washington.’

‘I'm going to. I'm telling dad.’

‘No! You are not telling dad. He’ll sit me down and say he's disappointed and then I’ll probably cry.’ She's talking a mile a minute and desperately wishing she still had the rest of her cigarette. Jefferson looks her up and down, probably taking in the dark circles under her eyes, the ladder in her tights, and the bird’s nest that is her hair.

‘So you're telling me, I shouldn’t tell Washington, our shared dad, that you’ve been sneaking into unused rooms to dangle out the window and smoke? Do you even know me at all, Hamilton?’ Jefferson drawls.

‘And what are you doing in here, huh? No doubt something dodgy,’ she shoots back.

He pulls some flashcards out of his suit pocket. ‘Practising my speech.’

She gapes at him. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Shocker.’

She ignores him. ‘Practising your speech? Why would you do that?’

‘Not everyone can be as talented an orator as you,’ he snaps.

‘Um thank you?’ she frowns, unsure if it’s a compliment.

‘Whatever. I'm still telling dad.’ She wants to wipe the smug look off his face. She could probably push him out the window if she was determined enough.

‘You have no proof.’

‘Except the packet of ciggies in your pocket,’ he points out.

‘Don’t be a grass,’ she barks. ‘This is why no one likes you.’

Jefferson gets a sly look on his face that she doesn’t like. ‘What do I get out it if I decide not to tell everyone?’

‘I’ll edit your next speech for you so it doesn’t sound like it’s been written by an illiterate child.’

Jefferson considers the idea before sticking his hand out. She squeezes as hard as she can as she shakes it in the hopes of crushing his hand into dust but he doesn’t even flinch.

‘For the price of me buying you one of your stupidly sugary frozen coffee things, you don't say anything if I have another one?’ she suggests hopefully.

‘Plus a muffin.’

‘Deal.’ She breathes a sigh of relief as she goes back to the window and lights up.

‘Should I be worried about your stress levels?’ Jefferson asks as she lets out a long exhale.

‘We all know the only thing you worry about is your hair,’ she points out.

‘That’s because it’s my crowning glory,’ he preens.

‘If you think that then you’ve been woefully misled.’ She looks down to the traffic below, creeping slowly forward, the sounds of the city interspersed with the blare of car horns.

‘Seriously though, is this the start of your descent into insanity?’ Jefferson probes. She restrains herself from asking what happened to him rehearsing his speech.

‘It’s only one. It relaxes me,’ she tries to justify. ‘Do you want one?’

Jefferson raises one perfect eyebrow. ‘Do I want one of your cancer sticks? I think not.’

‘One every couple of months isn't going to give me cancer,’ she points out.

‘I'm disappointed in you.’

‘Your opinion is irrelevant because I hate you,’ she replies cheerfully as she stubs out the cigarette. She pops a mint into her mouth because the last thing she needs is Laf smelling the cigarettes on her breath and telling John, or worse, Eliza, and then having to sit through another intervention.

‘Don’t let Burr see the ladders in your tights, he’ll have a fit,’ says Jefferson.

‘Why? Because it’s unprofessional, or because he might catch a glimpse of my uncovered thigh?’ she smirks.

‘I can assure you, no one wants to see your uncovered thigh,’ Jefferson says wryly.

‘We’ll see won't we,’ she says as she leaves, throwing a wink over her shoulder.

~

**Fight Club (AKA When Will Hammie and Jefferson Admit They Fancy Each Other?)**

_Madzz: 10:56:_ Someone please explain what the hell is going on

 _Baguatte Fucker: 10:56:_ Is this about Hammie and Thomas?

 _Madzz: 10:57:_ No it’s about the biscuits in the break room

 _Madzz: 10:57:_ Of course it’s about Hamilton and Thomas! This group chat was made for the sole purpose of discussing Hamilton and Thomas!

 _Madzz: 10:57:_ They're having eye sex right in front of me

 _Angel-ica: 10:58:_ She's trying to torment Jefferson by making him realise how hot she is

 _Madzz: 10:58_ …..I think it’s working??

 _Angel-ica: 10:59:_ With that dress I should hope so

 _A. Burr: 10:59:_ It’s totally inappropriate office-wear.

 _Baguette Fucker: 10:59:_ She looks great

 _Madzz: 11:00:_ He keeps looking over at her then looking away before she catches him

 _Angel-ica: 11:00:_ Why are you in there with them?! Nothing’s going to happen with you chaperoning them!

 _Madzz: 11:01:_ I'm helping Thomas with some data analysis

 _Angel-ica: 11:01:_ Pretend you have somewhere important to be?

 _Madzz: 11:_ _01:_ But I want to see what happens next!

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:02:_ Don’t cockblock them!!

 _HR Becky: 11:02:_ Please don’t come crying to me if they have sex in the office. I need deniability.

 _Madzz: 11:02:_ Okay okay, I'm leaving now

 _Madzz: 11:03:_ Jesus, Tommy’s just texted me saying (and I quote), ‘have you noticed something weird about Hamilton today?’

 _Madzz: 11:03:_ Wtf do I reply to that?

 _Angel-ica: 11:04:_ Mention that she looks hot?

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:04:_ No no, play dumb

 _Madzz: 11:05:_ Okay so I asked what he meant

 _Madzz: 11:05:_ And he replied that he thought she looked different is all

 _HR Becky: 11:06:_ God what is it going to take for him to admit he fancies her? Her prancing around naked??

 _A. Burr: 11:06:_ Not sure that’s an appropriate comment for a member of Human Resources to make.

 _HR Becky: 11:07:_ Don’t even think about testing me, Burr. I will destroy you :)

 _Madzz: 11:07:_ Tommy’s all in a fluster because Hammie told him she's going on a date tonight

 _Madzz: 11:07:_ Wants to know if I think it’s true

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:08:_ Not sure she’d make that up? Angelica?

 _Angel-ica: 11:08:_ I have been sworn to secrecy on the matter ;)

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:08:_ That’s a yes then

 _HR Becky: 11:09:_ Oh that means yes for sure

 _Madzz: 11:09:_ Apparently he's picking her up from work so I guess we’ll see for sure later…

 _A. Burr: 11:10:_ Can I hear them shouting at each other?

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:10:_ Guess that’s the end of the sex eyes and they're back to arguing

 _Madzz: 11:11:_ I think it’s their love language

 _GWash: 11:11:_ One can only hope.

~

‘Why do you look so smug?’ Jefferson asks through narrowed eyes.

‘No reason,’ Alex replies, pouring herself another cup of coffee.

‘She got laid,’ Laf throws over his shoulder as he leaves the break room.

‘Who would be desperate enough to sleep with you?’ Jefferson sneers.

She gives him a self-satisfied smile. ‘His name was Caleb and he pulled my hair and fu-‘

‘Oh my god, Hamilton.’

‘That’s exactly what Caleb was saying last night.’

‘I think that’s quite enough of that,’ Jefferson interrupts quickly. There are two spots of colour on his cheeks.

‘You did ask,’ she shrugs.

‘I didn’t want all the kinky details.’

She pulls a face. ‘I don’t think hair pulling is kinky.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘I don’t know what kind of boring vanilla sex you're having but it definitely isn't,’ she says.

Burr has the great misfortune of choosing that very moment to walk into the break room. Hamilton rounds on him.

‘Burr, do you think hair pulling during sex is kinky?’ she demands. Burr just stares at her. ‘Wow, you can go a really long time without blinking, huh?’

‘This is not an appropriate workplace conversation,’ he says finally.

She rolls her eyes dramatically. ‘Just answer the question.’ In hindsight, a man with no hair might not be the leading authority on this.

‘Guess it depends how hard you're pulling,’ says Burr. ‘But I wouldn’t say hair pulling within the normal parameters of intercourse was particularly kinky.’

‘Ha,’ she smirks at Jefferson.

‘Whatever.’

As she leaves the tugs on one of Jefferson's curls, laughing at his outraged squawk all the way back to her office.


	6. Chapter 6

_Lafayette_ _: 15:03:_ We had a cabinet meeting today

 _Hercules: 15:21:_ Sorry had a customer in for a fitting. Is everyone still alive?

 _Lafayette: 15:22:_ You were ignoring me :( Oui, just about. Think Thomas might be crying in the men’s toilets though

 _Hercules: 15:22:_ Babe don’t be dramatic. Is he okay? (not that I care but I know he's your friend and I'm nothing if not a supportive boyfriend)

 _Lafayette: 15:23:_ You only don’t like him because he thinks you're dumb

 _Hercules: 15:23:_ No I don’t like him because he wears the ugliest suits I've ever seen

 _Hercules: 15:24:_ WAIT HE THINKS I'M DUMB?!?

 _Hercules: 15:24:_ What just because I'm not a politician I'm not smart? Fuck him I bet he wouldn’t be able to tailor a suit if his life depended on it

 _Lafayette: 15:24:_ Calm down cherie, your skills lie in areas other than brains ;)

 _Hercules: 15:25: ......_ do you want to sleep on the couch because that’s the way this is heading...

 _Lafayette: 15:25:_ Baby, no. I was only teasing, you're the smartest person ever. Smarter than Thomas Jefferson for sure

 _Hercules: 15:26:_ Yeah well out of me and Jefferson only one of us is crying in the bathroom after (I assume) being absolutely dragged by Alex in a cabinet meeting…

 _Lafayette: 15:27:_ Turns out he wasn’t actually crying, Madison was just giving him a pep talk

 _Hercules: 15:28:_ In the bathroom?? Are you sure they're not secretly fucking each other?

 _Lafayette: 15:28:_ Think Thomas is still in love with Hammie

 _Hercules: 15:28:_ Babe, we’ve been over this, Jefferson isn't in love with Alex…

 _Lafayette: 15:29:_ You don’t work with them both. You don’t understand

 _Hercules: 15:29:_ Well if it turns out I am wrong I've already called shotgun on being flower girl at the wedding…

~

‘Am I in trouble?’ Hamilton asks.

‘Guess,’ Washington intones.

‘No?’

‘Guess again…’

‘Oh.’

‘Why is it always you?’ Washington sighs. Alex sits across the desk from Washington and smiles innocently back at him. ‘You’re one of the brightest people I've ever met, and easily the hardest worker, but ninety-nine percent of the people in this building want to staple your mouth closed.’

‘Tabby on reception doesn’t want to staple my mouth closed,’ she says.

‘If you believe that then I have some bad news for you,’ Washington says. ‘Would it kill you to get on with Jefferson though?’

‘It very well could, and I don’t want to risk that,’ she replies seriously.

‘You got on with him when he first arrived,’ Washington points out.

‘For about five seconds! And that’s because I wasn’t yet aware that he was the devil incarnate,’ she protests.

Washington sighs. ‘One day you might need him on your side.’

She pulls a face. ‘Like if I wanted to start a club for incompetent losers from Virginia?’

‘I know full well that you know I'm from Virginia too. Anyway, don't distract me; we both know that you want to be this side of the desk one day. Thomas Jefferson isn't a man you want to make an enemy out of.’ She thinks it might be a bit late for that but keeps her mouth shut. ‘Remember what we spoke about on our fishing trip.’

This seems to Hamilton to be a very odd thing to bring up because, aside from Washington tirelessly trying to teach her patience, Jefferson had inexplicably been invited along too and they'd fought non-stop about who had caught the biggest fish. It had culminated in Jefferson hitting her in the face with a trout. Maybe that’s what Washington is trying to say here, that if she's not nice to Jefferson she’ll get hit in the face with a fish again.

‘I think I understand what you're trying to say,’ she says. Washington even has a framed photo of them all on that trip on his desk; two seconds after it was taken Jefferson tried to push her off the jetty into the lake.

‘That you need to be patient,’ Washington prompts.

‘Oh right. Yeah that makes more sense,’ she mutters to herself.

‘Go and apologise to Jefferson.’

‘Fine,’ she pouts.

~

‘Look Jefferson, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for what I said earlier.’

‘No you're not.’

‘I know. I dream about tying you to a chair-’

‘Ooh kinky.’

‘-and setting it on fire.’

~

‘Alex has the flu. Good news is she's going to survive. Bad news is she's going to be a little bitch about it,’ Angelica says, walking unannounced into Jefferson's office. He looks up from his computer with a frown. He'd noticed her empty desk of course, but he assumed she was out stealing candy from small children, or holding puppies for ransom. ‘She's kicking up a fuss about missing work so I told her you'd take some notes over for her tomorrow evening.’

‘What if I had plans?’ Thomas asks.

Angelica gives him a flat look. ‘You never have plans.’

‘What if I don’t want to run around after Hamilton?’

Angelica leans in close enough that he can smell her perfume. ‘Do you think any of us want to run around after a grumpy and half-delirious Hamilton? Of course we fucking don’t. But if I have to suffer, then by god, you do too.’

~

Thomas knocks on Hamilton’s door with no small amount of trepidation. He shifts uncomfortably as he feels the glare of the older woman from opposite the hall on him. He has no idea what her problem is but where the hell is Hamilton? He bangs on the door again.

It’s finally thrown open and Hamilton stands before him looking pissed off. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun on top of her head and it wobbles when she moves her head. He tries very hard not to laugh.

‘Why are you here?’ she snaps.

‘Charming. Nice to see you too,’ he replies sweetly. ‘Angelica sent me over.’

Hamilton scowls, ‘I don’t need a babysitter.’

‘Can I just come in? The lady opposite is giving me the evils.’

Hamilton sticks her head out the door and gives her neighbour the finger. ‘Nothing to see here, Mrs Miller.’

‘You immigrants are stealing our jobs! Go back to your own country,’ the woman shrills.

‘Fuck you,’ Hamilton calls back as cheerfully as someone with flu can manage, before dragging Thomas into her apartment and slamming the door behind her.

‘She seems delightful,’ he comments. ‘I bought some notes over for you.’

He offers them out and she snatches them from his hands, flicking through them quickly. ‘Did you write these?’ She sneezes loudly and he takes a hasty step backwards.

‘Yeah.’

‘No wonder they're shit,’ Hamilton sniffles.

‘Speaking of shit, you really don’t look well. You look really sick.’

‘Yeah, sick as fuck.’

‘No, you look sort of pallid and sweaty. I'm not sure you’ve ever looked worse,’ he says.

She gives him the finger. ‘I hope you catch it,’ she says darkly. ‘And I hope it kills you.’

Thomas rolls his eyes, it’s good to see that her illness has no bearing on her being a dick. ‘I've never been to your apartment before,’ he says, not bothering to be subtle as he looks around. It’s nicer than he's expecting, smaller than his own but cosy. One wall is covered with old protest placards which makes him smile.

‘Yes, well don’t make yourself comfortable.’

He takes a step closer to the open-plan kitchen and inspects the photos stuck to the fridge, all of them Hamilton and her friends. He recognises Angelica and Lafayette, as well Lafayette’s boyfriend, and that Laurens guy he met a while back. There's a photo of Hamilton and the Washingtons at what looks like Thanksgiving, the three of them wearing matching ugly jumpers and massive smiles on their faces. He idly wonders what he has to do to get an invite to that in the future.

‘I know you're like obsessed with me, but are you going to leave soon? I want to curl up in my blanket nest and potential just let myself die,’ Hamilton says with a sniff.

He curls his lip, ‘trust me, I don’t want to spend any longer in this pit of illness and despair than I absolutely have to.’

‘You have such a beautiful way with words.’ She opens the door wide and gestures at him to walk through it. ‘If Mrs Miller shouts racist stuff at you, just shout back at her. If you stay silent then she thinks she's won.’

‘Right. Do I not get a thank you for bringing those notes over?’

Hamilton looks at him blankly. ‘Why would I thank you? They're not very good.’

~

‘Okay, here’s what you missed,’ Angelica says as soon as Alex walks through the door on Monday morning, handing over a large coffee. ‘Lee’s been fired after a random drugs test, got home and angry tweeted about how terrible Washington is-’

‘I saw that. May have got involved. Don’t tell Washington.’

‘-Oh, he definitely already knows. Burr’s even more annoying than usual at the moment, which is wild because I wasn’t sure it was possible for him to be more infuriating than he already is, but he keeps finding novel ways to piss me off. Jefferson and Madison have been working their arses off to get your debt plan thrown out. Washington wants a cabinet meeting about it on Thursday morning, although that’s not public knowledge yet so keep that to yourself. Oh, and John Jay finally asked that girl from HR out.’

‘Did she say yes?’

‘They have their first date on Friday. Worried about Jefferson and Madison?’

She shrugs, ‘I believe in this debt plan, I’ll make them see sense.’

‘Good luck with that,’ Angelica offers. ‘Fuck, marry, kill, Jay, Madison, Lafayette?’

‘Fuck Madison, marry Laf, kill Jay,’ she rattles off.

‘Oof that was a quick one. Poor Jay.’

‘He’s nice but all he talks about is that one time he got malaria and nearly died. He didn’t nearly die,’ she retorts with an eye-roll.

‘You don’t know that,’ Angelica grins.

‘I do! He probably didn’t even have malaria, just caught a cold on the flight home.’

‘You're still mad that he got you that self-help book for secret Santa, aren't you?’

‘Obviously! Do I look like someone who needs a book called ‘What To Do When Everyone You Work With Hates You’?’ she exclaims hotly.

‘I'm not sure you want me to answer that,’ Angelica smirks.

~

‘The question is, would you suck the president’s dick in order to get your debt plan through?’ Thomas drawls. Hamilton seems unsurprised by the question which worries James somewhat. James follows the line of Thomas’ gaze as Hamilton pushes back from her desk and stretches. He looks away from where her skirt has ridden up her leg and silently wills Thomas to do the same.

‘Nah, it would be too weird. Daddy issues- ya know?’ she shrugs.

‘Would you suck my dick?’ Thomas continues, oblivious to James' warning look.

‘You don’t have the power to push the plan through so there wouldn’t be much point.’

‘Hypothetically.’

‘I'd be better off blowing Madison, he actually has a vote,’ she says.

‘No one is coming anywhere near my dick,’ he's quick to say. Hamilton just winks at him.

~

**Office Squad**

_TJeffs: 12:47_ : Okay which sick, sick individual gave Hamilton an energy drink?

 _Angel-ica: 12:47:_ Please tell me you're joking.

 _TJeffs: 12:47:_ I wish I was

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:48_ : …in my defence I thought it would be funny

 _TJeffs: 12:48:_ Well you can come and sort her out then

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:49:_ Oh no mon ami, I'm out of the office having lunch with Herc ;)

 _Angel-ica: 12:49:_ So you gave Al an energy drink and then left the building?

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:50:_ That’s why I thought it would be funny

 _A. Burr: 12:50:_ Irresponsible.

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:51:_ I think you mean hilarious

 _TJeffs: 12:51:_ She's climbed onto a table in the canteen and is shouting about paternity leave

 _Angel-ica: 12:52:_ Oh that’s her new thing. You should listen, she has some very good points

 _Madzz: 12:52:_ People are scared. She looks wild around the eyes

 _TJeffs: 12:53:_ I've never heard anyone talk so fast in my life

 _Madzz: 12:53:_ I don’t know whether to be aroused or scared?

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:54:_ You can't be both?

 _Madzz: 12:54:_ No, on reflection I'm just scared. She's waving an abnormally large wooden spoon around like a sword

 _Angel-ica: 12:55:_ Lol. Have the catering staff tried to kick her out yet?

 _TJeffs: 12:55:_ Think they're too scared to approach. John Jay just begged me to get her down. I'm going in.

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:56:_ This should be interesting…

 _Madzz: 12:56:_ Ham has spotted T

 _Madzz: 12:57:_ She actually does a pretty decent impression of Thomas’ accent although I'm sure he's never uttered the words ‘I'm a prissy macaroni-fucker who would marry his own reflection if it was legal’

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:58:_ … I don't know, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had…

 _Angel-ica: 12:58:_ He definitely has

 _Madzz: 12:59:_ T is trying to physically drag Ham off the table. She's hitting him with the wooden spoon

 _Baguette Fucker: 12:59:_ Please record it

 _A. Burr: 13:00:_ Someone should report them to HR.

 _Madzz: 13:01:_ It’s all harmless fun

 _Madzz: 13:01:_ Oh god Hamilton almost took Thomas’ eye out with the end of the spoon. No longer harmless fun

 _Madzz: 13:02:_ T is trying to bribe Ham down. Think it might be working?

 _Madzz: 13:03:_ I take it back, she's hitting him with the spoon again. T has climbed onto the table too. Someone is cheering Thomas on

 _Madzz: 13:03:_ Think it’s John Jay

 _Baguette Fucker: 13:03:_ Kind of wish I'd stayed to witness the carnage now

 _Angel-ica: 13:04:_ I wouldn’t come back, Jefferson is defo gonna kill you

 _Madzz: 13:04:_ We’re both going to kill you

 _Madzz: 13:05:_ Oh god

 _Baguette Fucker: 13:05:_ What?! Did someone fall off the table?!

 _Angel-ica: 13:06:_ Don’t you dare leave us hanging!!

 _A. Burr: 13:06:_ Madison?

 _Madzz: 13:07:_ That really angry cook came out the kitchen holding a knife and the two of them legged it

 _Madzz: 13:07:_ Think Hamilton almost died climbing down from the table in her heels. That energy drink definitely helped- I've never seen her move so fast in my entire life

 _TJeffs: 13:09:_ That was the worst experience of my career. Laf, I'm going to kill you. Don’t know where Hamilton has gone, she ran out before we could catch her

 _Angel-ica: 13:10:_ Just seen a blur run past that could potentially be her

 _A. Burr: 13:15:_ Good god, she's in the break room chugging an entire pot of coffee. I can practically see her vibrating from here.

 _TJeffs: 13:15:_ Hamilton no!

 _Hammie Hamster: 13:17:_ HAMILTON YES!!!!!!!!!

~

‘Hamilton, if the shoe fits, wear it,’ Jefferson drawls. A few people titter.

She smiles innocently at Jefferson and can hear Washington’s inhale of breath. He knows what that smile means.

‘Jefferson, bend over and I’ll show you where my shoe fits.’ The room erupts.

‘Jefferson take a walk. Hamilton, _take a walk_ ,’ Washington shouts over the din. She blows Jefferson a kiss as she saunters past.

~

‘James, I need to talk to you,’ hisses a voice. James looks around but can't see anyone.

‘God? Is that you?’ he asks the ceiling.

‘I'm in here. Hurry up before Hamilton spots us.’ Thomas is peering out of what James is almost certain is the janitor’s closet. He sighs before climbing over a mop and into the tiny space.

‘I really hope you're not trying to seduce me,’ he tells Thomas. A sliver of light is visible under the door but other than that it’s pitch-black.

‘God if only,’ Thomas replies. ‘I need to ask you something.’ A million things race through James' mind, none of them good.

‘And you had to ask me this in a janitor’s closet why?’

‘I didn’t want Hamilton to hear,’ Thomas whispers. Alarm bells are ringing in James' head. ‘So I was thinking about her today after our debate. And that really annoying smirk she does when she knows she's won an argument.’

‘Riiight…’

‘And it just drives me mad! I lie awake at night and all I see is that stupid smirk,’ Thomas exclaims. James screams internally. A little bit of that internal scream makes it out of his mouth and he lets out a strangled squeak.

‘I don’t know where this is going but I really don’t want to hear more about how you think about Hamilton when you're in bed.’

‘What? God James get your mind out of the gutter!’ Thomas hisses, sounding vaguely appalled.

‘You’re the one that dragged me in here to tell me about how you can't stop thinking about Hamilton’s face! What am I meant to think?’

‘You're being no help at all,’ Thomas huffs.

James takes a calming breath. ‘I'm sorry. What exactly is it that you want help with?’

‘Well what do you think it means?’ Thomas asks. It’s times like these that James really, _really_ worries about his friend.

‘Maybe you're going mad?’ he suggests hopefully. Really, he thinks, temporary insanity is the best-case scenario here.

There's a pause as Thomas thinks this over. ‘Maybe? It would make sense wouldn’t it?’

‘I mean-‘

The door to the closet is thrown open and James flinches at the sudden brightness.

‘Were you two making out in here?’ Angelica asks with narrowed eyes.

‘Of course not,’ he's quick to say.

She peers closely at Thomas. ‘Are you sure? You're very flushed.’

‘’M not,’ Thomas mumbles, convincing absolutely no one.

‘Well are you staying in here or what?’ Angelica demands, hands on hips.

‘We’re done,’ James says, tripping over the mop bucket as he attempts to leave. ‘Did you need something from in here?’

Angelica shakes her head, ‘no this is just where I come to hide from Burr.’ She climbs into the closet and shuts the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

‘Alexandra, don’t look now, but there's a guy over there staring at you,’ Nathaniel says. Alex swings around but no one in the busy bar is looking in their direction.

‘I don’t see anyone,’ she frowns.

Nathaniel shrugs with an easy smile, ‘I must have been imagining things. Maybe he's jealous of my beautiful date.’

She throws her head back and laughs at the flattery. ‘Charmer. Now tell me more about how law is treating you. Is Greene still an asshole?’

‘You have no idea,’ Nathaniel snorts. ‘The other day he asked… okay I'm not trying to freak you out, but a different guy is now looking over here.’

‘What does he look like?’ Alex asks, using every last bit of restraint to keep herself turning around again.

‘Umm, big hair, ugly coat.’

‘Does he have absurdly well-groomed facial hair?’ she asks through narrowed eyes.

‘He does actually,’ Nathaniel says brightly. ‘Do you know him?’

‘Stop looking at him,’ she hisses, leaning across the table.

‘He's glaring at me now,’ he says, looking unblinkingly across the room. For a brief moment she worries that Jefferson has found a way to hypnotise her date from the other side of the bar.

She turns around in her seat and shoots Jefferson a venomous look. He has the audacity to wink at her in response. She looks closer and can see Madison peering out from the side of the booth. At her glare he ducks back out of sight.

‘Just ignore him,’ she orders.

‘They’re coming over,’ Nathaniel says. ‘They're not going to beat me up are they?’ She spins around so fast she hears something pop in her neck.

‘Someone’s going to get beaten up,’ she says darkly.

‘Hamilton!’ Jefferson says cheerfully once he's standing beside their booth. ‘Fancy seeing you here.’

‘I'm going to kill both of you,’ she threatens. Madison at least looks slightly uncomfortable about the whole situation.

‘You don’t mind us joining you for a drink do you?’ Jefferson asks, already climbing into the booth beside her.

‘Yes,’ she snaps.

‘Of course not,’ Nathaniel smiles.

Whilst Madison is introducing himself to Nathaniel she rounds on Jefferson. ‘What are you doing?’ she hisses. ‘It might have slipped your attention but you're gate-crashing a date.’

‘He looked bored, I took pity on him,’ Jefferson says smugly. She goes to kick him under the table but judging by the flash of pain the crosses Madison’s face she misses.

‘I’ll get a round, shall I?’ Madison suggests brightly, picking up on the tension at the table.

‘Something strong,’ she mutters.

Madison returns with drinks and the next half hour is one of the most awkward of her life. She fantasises about murdering Jefferson whilst the three men make small talk about the weather and sports.

Finally, Nathaniel looks at his watch and announces he should be heading home.

‘I’ll walk you out,’ she says, getting to her feet. ‘I'm not done with you two,’ she says darkly to the men at the table. Jefferson salutes her with his drink.

‘They seem nice,’ Nathaniel says once they're out of earshot.

‘I'm so sorry,’ she groans. ‘If I'd had any idea they'd be here I’d have picked another bar.’

‘Hey, it’s not your fault,’ he grins. ‘Even if it did put a bit of a damper on the romance of the night, it was still nice to meet your friends.’

‘They’re not my friends,’ she says hotly.

Nathaniel frowns, ‘that Jefferson guy said you were all friends.’

‘Jefferson is a filthy liar,’ she exclaims. Nathaniel shoots her a sideways look.

He pushes open the door and she's hit by the cold night air.

‘Even though this wasn’t quite what either of us planned, I still had fun,’ he says, looking down at her with a warm smile.

‘I'm sorry again,’ she sighs. ‘We should do this again with no interruptions.’

He gives her a grin, ‘I'd invite you back to mine but I have a feeling you're going back in there to yell at your friends.’

‘They're _not_ my friends,’ she mutters petulantly.

‘Shall I message you then?’ he asks hopefully.

‘I'd like that,’ she replies.

‘Can I kiss you?’ Nathaniel asks. She nods and he bends down to press a chaste kiss to her mouth. It’s nice, it’s very vanilla… an image of Jefferson's smug face pops into her mind and she pulls away with a rueful smile.

‘It was great to see you,’ she smiles.

‘I’ll be in touch.’

She waits outside the bar until Nathaniel rounds the corner, before taking a deep breath and pushing her way back inside.

‘What is wrong with you?’ she demands, slamming her hands down on the table and leaning down to get all up in Jefferson's face.

‘I told you, he looked like he was desperate for an escape, I came over to offer him an out. It’s basic bro-code,’ Jefferson smirks.

‘You can tell yourself that, but we both know you were just being an asshole,’ she snaps.

‘If you lean over just a little bit further, I’ll be able to see right down your top.’

She straightens abruptly. ‘Do you remember when I punched you in the face, Jefferson? Unless you'd like a repeat of the experience then I suggest you shut up.’

‘Ignore him, he's had too much to drink,’ Madison says, cutting off Jefferson's response. ‘Sit down, Hamilton, Thomas will buy you another drink to apologise.’ Madison physically pushes Jefferson out of the booth and in the direction of the bar.

‘You’re just as bad,’ she says sharply. ‘Could you not have told him that the Ugly Coat Convention was happening in another bar or something?’ 

‘To be fair, it’s not like I planned it or anything, I can assure you my night has been ruined by Thomas repeatedly asking if I thought Pendleton was more attractive than him.’

‘I hope you said yes.’

‘So before we, um, crashed it, how was your date going?’ Madison asks.

‘Nathaniel’s a nice guy,’ she says noncommittally. ‘What are you and Jefferson doing out on a Saturday night anyway? I was under the impression that neither of you had social lives.’

‘Thomas wanted to get drunk, I'm here to make sure he doesn’t get liver poisoning.’

She leans forward, smelling blood in the water. ‘And why does he want to get drunk? Stressed about work? Worried about the next cabinet meeting?’

Madison has a knowing smile on his face, ‘maybe he just wants a fun night out.’

She leans back with a huff, ‘Jefferson doesn’t know the meaning of fun. And even if he did, he wouldn’t invite you out with him, you’ve been no fun since that time I said you were in worse shape than the national debt.’

‘Yes, in a cabinet meeting in front of the president!’

She snorts, ‘it was pretty funny.’

‘Well I'm glad someone thought so,’ he mumbles.

Both of them turn to watch Jefferson make his way back over. Alex can't help notice the pretty brunette eyeing him up from the other side of the bar.

‘Hamilton, I got you a sex on the beach because it’s the closest you're getting to the real thing tonight,’ Jefferson grins, handing over her drink.

‘Funny,’ she says flatly. ‘But speaking of, there’s a woman over there who definitely wants to get into your pants. She looks nice, want me to go and wingwoman for you?’

Jefferson slides into the booth beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. ‘My dear treasury secretary, why would I want another woman when I have you?’ She turns to stare at Jefferson like he's gone mad. Which she strongly suspects he has.

‘Maybe you should stop drinking, Tommy,’ Madison suggests quietly as she wrestles Jefferson's arm off her.

‘What you don’t understand Jemmy,’ Jefferson continues, slurring his words slightly. ‘Is that Hamilton and I stimulate each other.’ Alex is sure that her face mirrors the vaguely appalled look on Madison’s.

‘I just…don’t want to know,’ Madison says finally.

They're interrupted by Madison’s phone ringing, he excuses himself to step outside and when he returns he looks grim. ‘The woman across from me has a pet snake and it’s escaped. I need to let her into my apartment so she can search for it.’

‘Is that a euphemism?’ says Alex.

Madison ignores her and turns to Jefferson. ‘Will you be okay on your own? I can drop you off on my way back if you like?’

‘Hamilton will look after me.’

‘I’ll do no such thing,’ she retorts. ‘I’d leave your body in a ditch without a qualm.’

‘Can you please just… keep an eye on him?’ Madison beseeches. ‘Sometimes when he gets really drunk he gets it into his head that he knows how to dance and it’s best if you intervene before he gets anywhere near the dancefloor.’

‘I mean, that sounds like it would be highly entertaining for me, but sure,’ she shrugs. She idly wonders how much more alcohol it would take to get Jefferson to that stage, and vows to do whatever she can to help him along the way.

‘And you be good,’ Madison instructs Jefferson, speaking to him as one would a small child.

‘Love you,’ Jefferson grins. ‘Good luck with the snake.’

‘Well,’ Alex says with a shark-like grin once Madison has left.

Jefferson leans back slightly. ‘I don’t like the look on your face one bit.’

‘Do you want another drink?’ she says, already sliding out of the booth.

‘Another whiskey please.’

She heads to the bar, humming Dancing Queen under her breath.

~

**Fight Club (AKA When Will Hammie and Jefferson Admit They Fancy Each Other?)**

_Madzz: 23:22:_ I think I did something bad…

 _Angel-ica: 23:22:_ Uh oh… involving Hammie and Jefferson?

 _Madzz: 23:22:_ Yeah

 _Angel-ica: 23:23:_ Are you with them both now?! Isn't she on a date??

 _Madzz: 23:23:_ She was on a date but Thomas and I sort of bumped into her and I couldn’t convince Thomas to leave them alone

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:23:_ Please tell me Thomas was overcome with jealousy and declared his undying love for her on the spot

 _Madzz: 23:24:_ God I wish. Would have made things easier. Instead he just glared at the Pendleton guy whilst Hamilton silently seethed

 _Angel-ica: 23:24:_ So what was the bad thing you did?? Butting in on her date?

 _Madzz: 23:25:_ Well my neighbour’s snake escaped so I came home to help search for him (don’t worry, we found him safe and sound) but I may have left Thomas and Hamilton together at the bar…

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:25:_ Surely this is a good thing non?

 _Madzz: 23:25:_ Well I thought that, but Hamilton has just sent me a video of Jefferson doing the macarena…

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:26:_ Hahahahaha

 _Madzz: 23:26:_ It’s not funny, he's doing something weird with his hips. It’s actually quite distressing

 _Angel-ica: 23:26:_ Send us the video

 _HR Becky: 23:26:_ Yeah I need to see it… for HR purposes…

 _Madzz: 23:27:_ Thomas would never talk to me again

 _Madzz: 23:27:_ And really, I think it’s best you don’t see it, I'm not sure I’ll be able to look him in the eye after this

 _HR Becky: 23:27:_ Do you think Hamilton was enjoying it?

 _Madzz: 23:28:_ The only thing I could hear over the music was her maniacal laughter so I'd say so yeah

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:28:_ Al likes dancing, maybe she’ll find it a turn on?

 _Madzz: 23:28:_ You didn’t see the video…

 _Angel-ica: 23:29:_ Lol, I knew Jefferson would be a weird dancer. His limbs are too long to produce any sort of cohesive movement

 _Madzz: 23:30:_ Hamilton has just sent me a photo. I'm scared to open it

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:30:_ Open it

 _Angel-ica: 23:30:_ Open it!!!

 _HR Becky: 23:30:_ OPEN IT!!!

 _Madzz: 23:31:_ It’s a selfie of the two of them and it’s actually pretty adorable

 _Baguette Fucker: 23:31:_ Awwww cuuute

 _Madzz: 23:31:_ Well, Thomas is a bit cross-eyed but aside from that it’s cute

 _Angel-ica: 23:32:_ That’s just his Southern inbreeding showing

 _HR Becky: 23:32:_ Buuurn ;)

 _GWash 23:43:_ Madison, I'm going to need you to send me the video of Jefferson dancing. You can't say no, I'm the president.

 _Madzz: 23:44:_ Yes sir :(

~

 _Hamilton: 02:06:_ Madisonn jefferson an me gotr back home safelu

 _Hamilton: 02:_ _06:_ Hes a beuuatiful dancer

 _Madison: 02:07:_ What do you mean you and Jefferson got back home safely? Not together?

 _Madison: 02:08:_ Hamilton, not together?!

 _Hamilton: 02:08:_ Hahahahajajhha youre funny

 _Hamilton: 02:09:_ Not togther I walked hom back hes vert drunk

 _Madison: 02:09:_ Thank god. Thanks for making sure he got back safely

 _Hamilton: 02:10:_ Thinjk hes passed oiut in his halllway he fell thruogh the door and I jisst left him on th floor

 _Hamilton: 02:10:_ Itwas veru funny

 _Madison: 02:11:_ Well it sounds like you’ve both had fun. You should probably get some sleep. And drink some water!

 _Hamilton: 02:11:_ Yes dad! Love you xxxxxxx

 _Madison: 02:12:_ Sleep well

 _Hamilton: 02:12:_ No kiss dor me? :(((((( You don t love me?? :((((

 _Madison: 02:13:_ Jesus Christ.

 _Madison: 02:13:_ Sorry Hamilton. Sleep well, love you x

 _Hamilton: 02:14:_ xxxxxxcxxxx

~

 _Hamilton: 10:49:_ Just wanted to let you know that I'm changing your name to ‘Snake Hips Jefferson’ on my phone

 _Jefferson: 10:50:_ I hate you so much

~

‘Hamilton, I want to talk to you about something,’ Washington says to her a few weeks later. His tone is solemn and she quickly runs through all the reasons she could be in trouble. It’s quite a long list.

‘Whatever it is, Jefferson started it,’ she's quick to say once they’re in Washington’s office.

‘This isn't about Jefferson,’ Washington says.

‘Why do you sound so serious?’ she asks, the words rushing out of her in a jumble. ‘Oh god is it cancer? Is this a boy thing? Is it your balls?’

Washington pulls a face, ‘no, it’s not my balls. I'm stepping down, I'm not running for president.’

‘Oh god it’s worse,’ she wails. She jumps up from her chair and starts to pace in front of his desk.

‘Sit down.’

‘I can't sit down when the world is ending.’

‘Sit down Alexandra.’ She does as she's told and looks into Washington’s kind eyes. ‘It’s time for me to go. I've given forty-five years of my life to this country. I want to enjoy my retirement, spend some time with Martha.’

‘This is easily the most devastating thing that’s ever happened to me and I was orphaned aged twelve,’ she says flatly.

‘I was worried you might take the news badly,’ Washington mutters.

‘Please just, like, don’t talk for a minute,’ she instructs.

‘Alexandra-‘

‘No, stop talking because it’s going to be really embarrassing if I cry.’ She stares at the fishing photo on Washington’s desk until she's sure she's not about to become a blubbering mess.

‘Alexandra,’ Washington begins softly. ‘This isn't the end. You know Martha and I will still expect you over for supper at least once a month. You're like a daughter to us, an unruly, loudmouthed daughter mind you, but we still love you with all our hearts.’ Her answering smile is watery. ‘And I can't show bias but that doesn’t mean I don’t hope that it will be you replacing me in this office.’

She tries to imagine what it would be like to be president. She’d make Jefferson bow to her every time he entered her presence. The thought cheers her up slightly.

‘It won't be the same without you,’ she says glumly.

‘Only because you won't have anyone to keep you in check,’ Washington says fondly. ‘Try not to cause too much havoc.’

‘It would definitely be safer for you to stay and personally make sure I'm staying out of trouble.’

He laughs. ‘No way. Martha and I are going on a cruise for two months and we won't be taking our phones with us.’

‘So not only are you stepping down, you're also leaving the country?’ she grimaces.

‘It’s a tactical retreat,’ replies Washington cheerfully. ‘I’ll send you a postcard.’

‘That doesn’t make it better,’ she mutters. ‘To make up for abandoning me can we at least start your farewell speech with a joke about how much we all hate Jefferson?’

‘Absolutely not.’

‘Spoilsport.’

~

‘What the fuck is that?’ Alex asks, staring blankly at the monstrosity in front of her.

‘That, my dear secretary, is the best swivel chair money can buy,’ Jefferson says smugly.

‘But… why?’ she frowns.

‘I already have to put up with one pain in my ass at work. This chair is comfortable, stylish and ergonomic,’ Jefferson says proudly.

‘But… why?’

He sits down in it with a contented sigh. ‘And you wouldn’t believe the smoothness of the spin.’

Alex is aware that she's staring, as if hypnotised, as Jefferson slowly rotates in his chair, but she can't seem to snap out of it.

‘You look like a rotisserie chicken,’ she says finally.

‘Say what you want, I know you're just envious of my superior chair.’

‘Does Madison know about this? It seems like the kind of cry for help that he's usually on the lookout for.’

The blissful look doesn’t leave Jefferson's face. ‘This isn't a cry for help. This is the chair that’s going to help me win the presidency. Did you know it contains a memory foam cushion that will perfectly mould to each buttock?’

‘Your ass is so flat that there’s no point,’ she snorts. ‘Also please never say the word ‘buttock’ again in my presence.’

‘Your simple mind cannot comprehend the pleasure this chair gives me.’

‘ _Please_ stop talking,’ she begs.

_James: 12:43:_ Tommy, I know you're out for lunch but I just wanted to let you know that Hamilton is using your new chair to re-enact the Battle Of Troy…

 _Thomas: 12:44:_ STOP HER!! SHE’LL RUIN MY ERGONOMIC BUTTOCK MOULDS!!

 _James: 12:44:_ I wish I was blind so I wouldn’t have had to read that sentence with my own two eyes

~

‘James,’ Thomas hisses. ‘James.’

James squints at his friend. For a brief moment he forgets that he's in his nice warm bed and thinks he’s in Hell.

‘What are you doing in my house this early on a Sunday morning?’

‘I made you a weird lemon tea thing,’ Thomas says, thrusting the mug into his hands. James tries to blink himself awake as he sits up in bed.

‘I wish I'd never given you a key,’ he mutters before taking a sip of tea. ‘Why are you here?’ Thomas looks shifty, even for someone who’s just broken into their friend’s house at eight on a Sunday morning. James narrows his eyes, ‘what did you do?’

‘It’s bad.’

‘Please don’t tell me you had sex with Hamilton.’

Thomas stares at the sheets like they're the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. ‘Worse,’ he mumbles.

‘You didn’t declare your undying love, did you?’ James asks, dismayed.

‘Maybe I should just show you,’ Thomas says. He goes to take another sip of tea but promptly exhales it from his nose when he sees what Thomas has produced.

Once he's finally stopped choking (and tea has stopped dribbling out of his nostrils), he can only stare in horror at the item in Thomas’ hands.

‘I've never been more afraid to ask,’ he says.

‘I was very drunk,’ Thomas says quickly. ‘I ordered it months ago and was so drunk I forgot about it until a courier delivered it earlier.’

‘Is that…’

‘Hamilton? Yes.’

‘You bought a marble bust of Hamilton when you were drunk?’ he says, trying to make sure he has all the facts straight.

‘Yes,’ Thomas wails, throwing himself forwards to faceplant the pillows. James is so unsure of what to say that he takes another sip of tea and settles on patting Thomas’ shoulder in what he hopes is a bolstering fashion.

‘It’s, um, it’s quite a good likeness,’ he says finally, examining the bust. Thomas doesn’t raise his head from the bed. ‘How much did it cost?’ Thomas lets out a sad sort of moan.

‘What am I supposed to do with it?’ his friend asks, finally finding the mental strength to lift his head up from where he’d seemingly been attempting to suffocate himself with a pillow.

‘Why did you buy it in the first place?’ he asks tentatively.

Thomas gives him a sullen look. ‘I don’t know! I was drunk, it seemed like a good idea! Now I don’t know what to do with it.’

‘You could give it to her?’ James suggests.

Thomas looks appalled. ‘Absolutely not.’

He pulls a face, ‘so you're keeping it?’

‘It cost nearly ten thousand dollars, yes I'm keeping it.’

James blanches. ‘You spent _ten grand_ on a marble bust of your enemy?’

‘It sounds bad when you say it like that.’

‘It sounds bad whatever way you say it,’ he mutters. ‘I guess you just need to accept the fact that you're going to have a bust of Hamilton on your mantelpiece from now on. Hey, maybe you could tell it about your problems instead of waking me up at the crack of dawn.’

The shifty look crosses Thomas’ face again. ‘Well I was thinking it might be weird to have it in my apartment, what if Hamilton came over and saw it?’

James narrows his eyes, ‘and pray tell, Tommy, why Hamilton would ever be in your apartment.’

‘She might!’ Thomas says, his face a dull pink.

‘Hide it in your bedroom then, or do you think Hamilton is going to see that too?’ he asks wryly.

‘Could I maybe keep it here?’ Thomas suggests hopefully. He laughs until he realises Thomas isn't joking.

‘Absolutely not. What if Burr comes over and sees it and thinks I'm secretly in love with her or something.’ He finishes that sentence with a pointed look at his friend.

‘I'm not secretly in love with her,’ Thomas mumbles.

He snorts, ‘that statement is only true because it’s definitely not a secret.’ When he looks over Thomas looks to be locked in a staring match with the bust. ‘Look, Tommy, just get the blasted thing shipped down to Monticello so you stop making cow eyes at it, and get on with getting over this weird little crush you have.’

‘I don’t have a crush,’ Thomas protests. James almost snorts tea out of his nose again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Southern-Motherfucking-Democratic-Republicans**

_TJeffs: 11:19:_ I'm just saying, I think it’s funny that Hamilton tells the story like everyone on Nevis raised money for her to come over to New York out of the kindness of their hearts, but I've just had to listen to her talk about lighthouses for almost two hours and I think I'm just about ready to give my life savings to ship her out of the country

 _A. Burr: 11:20:_ I think the exact same thing at least once a day.

 _TJeffs: 11:20:_ Not even John Adams likes her and they're in the same party

 _Madzz: 11:21:_ Do you think he knew what he was in for when he became president?

 _A. Burr: 11:21:_ Almost certainly not.

 _TJeffs: 11:22:_ Hamilton is so small that you never imagine she could be such a nuisance. I don’t know if I've mentioned this before but I hate her

 _Madzz: 11:22:_ Did she call you a “frizzy-haired, frog-faced disappointment” again?

 _TJeffs: 11:22:_ …maybe :(

~

‘Is this some sort of sex thing?’ Alex asks tentatively, holding the cane gingerly between her thumb and index finger.

Jefferson snatches it off her with a huff. ‘Of course not. It’s an antique walking cane.’

‘He's trying to make it his new thing,’ Madison says out of the corner of his mouth.

She looks at Jefferson with mock sympathy. ‘Have you forgotten how to walk?’

‘No, you little pissant, I haven't forgotten how to walk.’

‘On what planet would an antique walking cane be a good idea?’ she muses. Jefferson looks like he's considering beating her with it so she takes a subtle step backwards.

‘It will add panache to my outfits,’ Jefferson says hotly. Madison snorts.

‘Madison wants to stage an intervention for you, I can see it in his eyes. I've always said you had an appalling taste in fashion.’

‘Were you dropped as a child?’ Jefferson sneers.

‘Bold of you to assume I was held.’

‘Oh, Hamilton,’ Madison says gently.

‘Don’t give her any sympathy,’ Jefferson mutters.

Madison looks scandalised, ‘both her parents are dead, Thomas!’

She juts out her bottom lip and gives Jefferson her best cow eyes. ‘I'm an orphan, you can't be mean to me.’

Jefferson throws his hands in the air. ‘You're a drama queen, is what you are.’

‘It’s actually a really sad story,’ she says. ‘Everyone in my life has either left me or died. But don’t worry, I'm remarkably resilient and amazingly well-adjusted.’ The silence stretches before she snorts with laughter. ‘Just kidding, no one who knows me would describe me as well-adjusted… and they’d be right.’

~

 _Washington: 18:02:_ Alexandra, I've just had John Adams sobbing down the phone to me. Would you care to explain why?

 _Hamilton: 18:03:_ Lolololololol hope you told him to grow a pair

 _Washington: 18:03:_ Surprisingly, I did not tell the current president of our great nation to “grow a pair”.

 _Hamilton: 18:04:_ Hey wait a minute didn’t you say you weren’t taking your phone with you on your cruise??

 _Washington: 18:04:_ I lied to you because I didn’t want you to attempt to get in contact.

 _Hamilton: 18:05:_ I am HEARTBROKEN!!! Why would you not want to hear from me?? I could have been sending you daily updates about how annoying Jefferson has been?!

 _Washington: 18:05:_ I want you to reread your last message and think long and hard about the reason I might not have wanted you to be in touch.

 _Hamilton: 18:06:_ You’ve really changed since you retired >:-(

 _Washington: 18:06:_ Stop making John Adams cry. And if you try and disturb me during the next few weeks of this cruise then I will throw my phone overboard into the ocean.

~

Generally, when Thomas hears that Burr is looking for him, he does his best to try and hide. However, Burr has accosted him in the men’s bathroom which is a new level of weird, and Thomas wonders if it’s finally time to report the other man to HR.

‘I need to talk to you,’ Burr says.

‘I'm trying to pee,’ he grimaces.

Burr takes a step closer and yep, that’s it, he’s definitely getting HR involved. ‘It concerns both you and Hamilton. It’s serious.’

‘Burr, I don’t want to talk about Hamilton as I stand here with my dick out.’ In Burr’s defence, his eyes never stray from Thomas’ face.

‘Madison and I will be waiting for you in your office,’ Burr says.

‘Why couldn’t you have just met me there?’ he yells after the other man but is cut off by the bathroom door swinging shut.

Hamilton is out of the office in a meeting and it’s weird to see James sat behind her desk as he walks into the room. He sends his friend a questioning look but it’s met with a shrug.

‘What's so important that it couldn’t wait for me to take a piss?’ he asks Burr. ‘Did Hamilton do that fun- mean impression of you again?’

Burr gives him a nasty look, ‘it’s not a funny impression, it’s very offensive. But that’s not the reason I called you here. I've been asked to tell you that from now on snacks are being banned whilst congress is in session.’

‘That’s an outrage,’ he exclaims.

‘Thomas, you sat there eating a bowl of macaroni cheese, heckling Hamilton, at the last session,’ James points out.

‘Yeah because she's an idiot,’ he retorts.

‘No one is denying that,’ Burr says calmly. ‘But a few people have taken issue with the snack element of the story.’

He frowns, ‘but what if I get hungry? You know how long Hamilton talks for, I get snacky.’

‘People were complaining that the smell of your mac and cheese made them feel queasy,’ Burr says. ‘And there were multiple complaints about how loudly Hamilton eats chips when people she doesn’t like are talking.’

‘To be fair that is quite annoying,’ James agrees. ‘I can never hear what either of you are saying.’

Burr fixes Thomas with a piercing look. ‘And it’s unprofessional for you and Hamilton to take it in turns trying to throw popcorn into each other’s mouths from across the room.’

‘We like that game,’ he pouts.

‘You nearly blinded John Jay with a stray kernel the other day,’ Madison reminds him quietly.

Thomas rolls his eyes. ‘Fine, I’ll follow your stupid rule. But this was definitely not important enough for you to need to hunt me down in the bathroom.’

James pulls a face, ‘I wouldn’t suggest pulling the same trick with Hamilton when you try and tell her.’

‘If I don’t chase people, they tend to hide from me,’ Burr admits.

Thomas shrugs, ‘that very much seems like a you problem.’

~

‘Hamilton, why did I just get an email telling me I'd adopted a goat?’ Jefferson asks.

‘Thought it would be funny,’ Alex shrugs. ‘I like seeing you vexed.’

Jefferson looks at her in confusion. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘I adopted it in your name. You don’t actually get to have the goat. A family in Uganda get the goat,’ she explains cheerfully.

‘I like goats,’ Jefferson says vaguely, studying the information in the email closely.

She grins, ‘I know. I was going to get you one for yourself but wasn’t sure who’d look after it when you weren’t at Monticello.’

He looks up from his computer. ‘How do you know I like goats?’

‘Well two years ago Burr got you that book about famous goats throughout the ages for your birthday and I thought it might be a joke present, but then I remembered that Burr doesn’t have a sense of humour, so I figured you had to be actually interested in goats. Then we had that movie night at Laf’s and you nearly cried when the goat got eaten by the t-rex so I put two and two together you know?’

‘You have a brilliant, yet terrifying mind,’ says Jefferson finally. She beams at him. ‘I'm going to adopt a pig in your name and call it Hammy Hamilton.’

~

‘James, something awful has happened.’ Three pairs of eyes look up at him, ranging from concern to ambivalence. Thomas probably should have checked Angelica and Burr weren’t also in the office before he threw the door open with a wail.

‘I think it’s a bit unprofessional to just come barging in here,’ Burr says.

‘Burr, my life is over, I have bigger things to worry about than interrupting you,’ he snaps. Burr just blinks at him in response.

‘I suppose you want me to help you with whatever mess you’ve got yourself into,’ James sighs.

‘No, I want you to take me out back and shoot me,’ he says. Angelica cackles with delight at the prospect.

‘Thomas, this better be serious,’ James says, getting to his feet.

‘He's probably finally realised he's in love with Hamilton,’ Angelica shoots off. He freezes.

‘Oh shit,’ James breathes. James practically drags him to his office, Angelica's laughter following them the entire way.

‘What the fuck, Thomas?’ James says the second the door is closed. ‘Please tell me that deer in the headlights look wasn’t because you do actually want to confess your undying love to Hamilton.’

‘I told you it was bad,’ he moans.

James begins to pace. Thomas isn't sure he's ever seen his friend this riled up. ‘This is more than bad. This is going to ruin your life. Are you _sure_?’

‘Pretty sure,’ he says miserably.

‘Maybe it’s because you're overworked and stressed? Or maybe you're ill? Mentally ill,’ James says as he plops down onto the couch.

‘Jamesey, I really like her.’

‘No you don’t,’ James says confidently. ‘You only think you do because of some weird attachment issue that stems from sharing an office.’

He frowns, ‘I think I've liked her since Monticello.’

‘That fucking dress,’ James mutters darkly.

‘What?’ he asks, confused.

‘Never mind. Thomas, you realise this is not the time to be admitting your feelings. Work is crazy at the moment. You don’t have time to be lusting over Hamilton.’

‘I'm not lusting, I think I love her,’ he says.

This seems to render James temporarily mute. He opens his mouth before closing it again. ‘I can't believe you're having this realisation _now_.’

Thomas frowns, ‘what do you mean? When else was I meant to have realised?’

James gapes at him. ‘Hmm, how about when you spent all that time together in Monticello? Or when you chased her date away and basically took his place? Or maybe when you _bought a marble bust of her face?!_ ’’

It’s his turn to gape. ‘When you say it like that it sounds quite obvious.’ James picks up a couch cushion and screams into it. Thomas goes to his friend and wraps an arm around his shoulders. ‘Shh, it’s okay. I’ll just message Hamilton, let her know I've been in love with her for months, and go from there.’

‘No, you won't,’ James half says, half shouts, whacking Thomas with the cushion. ‘Jesus Christ man, have you not heard of romance? A text message?! You have no game, you deserve to stay single forever. I hope Hamilton rejects your ass so hard you end up back in France and never talk to me again.’

He blinks. ‘I have a feeling this resentment has been brewing for some time,’ he says finally.

James fixes him with such a dirty look that he shrinks under the glare. ‘You’ve had _months_ to make a move and you’ve chosen now to finally examine your feelings. Hamilton is lovely, in a very… _intense_ way, but you can’t just spring this on her. She might think it’s an elaborate prank.’

‘So… you don’t think I should message her?’ he clarifies. James reaches over to grip Thomas’ jaw in his hands and leans in so their noses are practically touching.

‘Thomas, do _not_ message Hamilton,’ James growls.

‘Are you going to kiss me?’ Thomas asks mischievously. 

‘I'm going to headbutt you so hard…’ James threatens. He pulls away before his friend can follow through on his threat.

‘Okay, okay, I get it. I won't message her. I’ll woo her…’ There’s a pause and then: ‘how do you think I should woo her?’

James looks lost, ‘I have no idea.’

A sudden, worrying thought hits him. ‘Do you think she even likes me?’

‘I mean, she did buy you a goat?’ James says tentatively. ‘That’s got to be good right?’

‘Should I ask Angelica?’

‘Angelica will rip the shit out of you.’

Thomas pulls a face, ‘good point. Lafayette?’

‘Maybe we should just keep this between the two of us for now?’ James suggests. ‘Just in case she does brutally reject you.’

‘If she rejects me, I’ll be moving back to Paris immediately,’ he mumbles.

‘I have confidence you in, Thomas. You're a catch, she’d be mad not to want you.’

~

 _Thomas: 13:20:_ James, Hamilton just said I looked like a worm on a string :(

 _James: 13:20:_ To be fair to her, you do look a little bit wormy today…

 _Thomas: 13:21:_ Not helpful!

 _James: 13:21:_ Sorry, was only joking, you look dashing as always. What prompted this insult? Did you say she looked like a troll again, because that’s definitely not the way to get her to fancy you

 _Thomas: 13:21:_ I said she looked nice!! And she said ‘fuck off no I don’t, you liar’

 _James: 13:22:_ And then she said you looked like a worm on a string?

 _Thomas: 13:22:_ No, she said it after I said that I took it back, she actually looked like hobo

 _James: 13:22:_ Great job, Thomas! She’ll definitely fall madly in love with you with compliments like that!

 _Thomas: 13:23:_ I'm working on it okay, don’t rush me

 _James: 13:23:_ Sorry, was just hopeful that you'd be able to sort your life out before we all turned old and grey

 _Thomas: 13:23:_ Got to go, Hamilton is threatening to eat coffee grounds directly from the packet

 _James: 13:24:_ I cannot overstate how important it is that you stop her


	9. Chapter 9

**Fight Club (AKA When Will Hammie and Jefferson Admit They Fancy Each Other?)**

_Madzz: 10:04:_ Guys, I have some pretty wild news…

 _Angel-ica: 10:04:_ Ooh what? Did you see Burr smile or something?

 _A. Burr: 10:05:_ I’d just like to remind you that I am part of this chat.

 _Angel-ica: 10:05:_ Lol whoops

 _Madzz: 10:05:_ Thomas admitted his feelings for Hamilton to me!!!!

 _Angel-ica: 10:06:_ Shut the fuck up he didn’t?!

 _Baguette Fucker: 10:06:_ Whaaaaat

 _HR Becky: 10:06:_ WTF?!?! I'm SHOOK

 _GWash: 10:07:_ Good on him, I didn’t think he had it in him.

 _A. Burr: 10:07:_ Don’t we have more important things we could be discussing?

 _Angel-ica: 10:08:_ God I hate you

**Angel-ica removed A. Burr from the chat**

_HR Becky: 10:08:_ Nice

 _Baguette Fucker: 10:09:_ James, mon ami, tell us more

 _Madzz: 10:09:_ Well he only told me a couple of days ago but he has grand plans to get Hamilton to fall in love with him

 _Baguette Fucker: 10:09:_ That’s great!

 _Madzz: 10:10:_ Well… he's not having much success so far, don’t know if you heard them yelling at each other yesterday? She was chasing him around their office trying to hit him with that weird cane he's obsessed with. He has quite a nasty bruise on his arm

 _HR Becky: 10:10:_ Please don’t tell me stuff like this, it’s sort of my job to make sure no one physically assaults a co-worker with a pimp cane…

 _Angel-ica: 10:11:_ Don’t let him hear you calling it a pimp cane, I called it that in front of him the other day and he lectured me about how it was an “antique walking cane” until I threatened to shove it where the sun don’t shine

 _Madzz: 10:11:_ Please be kind to him, Angelica. He's very afraid of you

 _Angel-ica: 10:11:_ As he should be

 _Baguette Fucker: 10:12:_ Should we help Thomas somehow?

 _Madzz: 10:12:_ I think we should leave them to it for the time being. Do NOT say anything to him about it!!

 _GWash: 10:12:_ I agree. Best not to meddle at this early stage. We can reassess at a later date.

 _Angel-ica: 10:13:_ Fine, we’ll laugh at Jefferson from a distance

~

‘I brought you a coffee,’ Jefferson says, thrusting the cup in her direction.

Alex narrows her eyes, ‘did you poison it?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Did you spit in it?’

‘No. I was just trying to do something nice!’ Jefferson exclaims.

She looks between his face and the coffee he's holding out to her. ‘I don’t trust you. You’re never nice.’

‘Well maybe I'm trying to be,’ he says with a smile.

She frowns, ‘this seems very suspicious.’

‘Look, either drink the coffee or don’t; I don’t care either way.’ Jefferson rolls his eyes and leaves the cup on the edge of her desk. She picks it up and removes the lid, taking a tentative sniff. It looks and smells like regular black coffee. She glances over at Jefferson who is ignoring her in favour of reading something on his computer.

‘If you’ve done something to this, I will pour it over your head,’ she threatens. Jefferson doesn’t look up, just makes a vague grunt of agreement. She takes a tiny sip. ‘It’s good,’ she says in surprise.

‘I told you it was fine.’

‘You frequently lie.’

He looks up and gives her an unreadable look. ‘Not to you.’

She snorts, ‘you're _such_ a liar. And I feel like you’re only being nice to me because you want something.’

‘Maybe I am.’

She narrows her eyes, ‘what do you want?’

‘Lots of things,’ he says with a sultry purr.

‘What do you want that you're likely to get?’ she smirks.

Jefferson's grin drops slightly. ‘Well that’s a very different question.’

Her eyes widen, ‘holy shit is it a girl? Are you being nice to me because you want girl advice?’

‘No, Hamilton,’ he says, sounding slightly pained.

‘It is!’ she exclaims. ‘You pull a weird face when you lie, kinda like you have trapped wind. Oh my gosh who is she? Do I know her? Does she work here?’

‘We’re not talking about this,’ he says.

‘Why not?’ she pouts. ‘I like laughing at you and your hopeless love life.’ Jefferson drops his head onto his desk with a groan. ‘Oh shit, is it that bad?’ she laughs. He just groans again in response. She kicks back from her desk and props her feet up on her desk with a wide grin. ‘Spill.’

‘You are the _last_ person I want to discuss this with,’ he says.

‘I give good advice!’ Jefferson lifts his head from the desk in order to fix her with a droll look. ‘So, what's the issue? Does she hate you because you’re wrong about everything? Because I can definitely relate.’

‘Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel any better.’ 

‘Okay, I promise not to be a dick about it,’ she says. ‘And who knows, I might actually be able to help.’

Jefferson stares unblinkingly at her for a disturbingly long time before letting out a sigh. ‘She’s out of my league,’ he says finally.

‘According to who?’

He rolls his eyes, ‘I have eyes, Hamilton.’

‘Okay, so she's hot. But so are you. Next point.’

‘You think I'm hot?’ he asks.

‘It physically pains me to admit it, but yeah I guess? From a purely aesthetic point of view mind you, the second you open your mouth your attractiveness plummets,’ she replies, taking another sip of her coffee. When she glances up Jefferson is staring at her like he's never seen her before and it makes her shift uncomfortably in her seat. ‘If your only issue is that you think she's too good-looking for you then I think you’ll be okay,’ she says, trying to break the silence that’s built up around them.

‘Maybe you're better at this advice thing than I thought.’

She grins, ‘it’s because I'm good at everything. So, are you going to tell me anything else about this girl? I want to know who she is.’

‘Well I sincerely hope you never find out,’ Jefferson replies. ‘Now let me get back to work.’

‘Fine, be boring. I need to find Angelica. If Adams come looking for me, tell him I'm out searching for his morals.’

‘I’ll let him know that you might be some time then.’

‘Angelica,’ Alex says, giving her friend her most winning smile. ‘Could I borrow you for just a minute?’

Angelica looks instantly suspicious. ‘Did you do something bad?’

‘Of course not! I just wanted to ask you something. Privately,’ she adds, side-eyeing Burr and Madison.

Angelica gets up with a long-suffering sigh. ‘This better be good, Al.’

Alex leads Angelica to an empty conference room and remains standing as Angelica perches on the table.

‘Do you know who this girl Jefferson fancies is?’ she asks.

Angelica seems momentarily stunned. ‘What?’

‘Jefferson told me there was a girl he liked, but he wouldn’t tell me who she was.’

‘Tell me exactly what happened,’ Angelica says with narrowed eyes.

‘Okay,’ Alex says, as she begins to pace. ‘Jefferson brought me a coffee which is super weird right, because he didn’t even put salt in it or anything? And then when I was questioning him about it, he said he was trying to be nice because he wanted dating advice.’

Angelica looks perplexed. ‘He came to _you_ for dating advice?’

‘But he wouldn’t tell me who she was! And I want to know.’

‘Well I have no idea what's going on,’ Angelica says. ‘Why do you care so much anyway?’

She stops pacing. ‘I don’t _care_ , I'm merely curious.’

Angelica raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow. ‘Right. Well I'll leave you to have a think about why you're so concerned about Jefferson's love life…’

~

**Fight Club (AKA When Will Hammie and Jefferson Admit They Fancy Each Other?)**

_Angel-ica: 11:41:_ Good news: Hamilton brought up Jefferson today and it wasn’t to insult him. Bad news: she’s offering him dating advice??!

 _Madzz: 11:41:_ She's doing what?!

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:41:_ She knows his feelings for her?!

 _Angel-ica: 11:42:_ No! She thinks he's being nice to her because he wants dating advice?

 _Madzz: 11:42:_ I mean, technically she's not wrong… but the advice he wants is how to date her

 _Angel-ica: 11:42:_ She wanted to know who I thought it was he wanted to ask out

 _HR Becky: 11:43:_ And what did you say?!

 _Angel-ica: 11:43:_ That I had no clue what was going on (not a lie). I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up by saying she was super jealous or anything, but she was definitely interested…

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:44:_ Oooh this is a good thing

 _Madzz: 11:44:_ How did I know he’d be so useless at flirting?

 _Angel-ica: 11:44:_ To be fair, Al is slightly insane. The odds are stacked against him. He did buy her coffee though, which is definitely the best way to get in her good books

 _Baguette Fucker: 11:45:_ I'm optimistic!

 _GWash: 11:45:_ Well I'm glad one of us is.

~

Alex doesn’t hesitate, as soon as she hears Burr’s knock at the door, she throws herself under her desk. She holds her breath as the door opens.

‘I was looking for Hamilton,’ Burr says hopefully.

‘She's hiding under her desk,’ Jefferson, the bastard, says smugly. She swears under her breath. Within seconds Burr’s stuck his head under the table.

‘Hi Burr,’ she says cheerfully. She offers no explanation for her current position, and Burr doesn’t ask.

‘Hamilton, I wanted to ask if you'd spoken to Lafayette about that work experience girl coming next week?’

‘I spoke to him earlier; Angelica is having her most of the week and I've got her Friday.’

‘Okay good, thank you.’ His face disappears from view and once she's heard the door close, she climbs out from under her desk.

‘You're such a dick,’ she hisses at Jefferson as she straightens her blouse. ‘Why did you have to tell him where I was?’

‘Thought it would be funny,’ he drawls. ‘Bit of an anti-climax though, he didn’t seem that bothered.’

‘That’s because he's a robot.’

‘Although he did tell me something interesting the other day,’ Jefferson says. ‘He said that he overheard you and Angelica playing fuck, marry, kill, which I’ll have you know is a personal favourite game of mine.’

‘I hope the little snake also told you that I kill you every single time,’ she replies darkly.

‘What if it was between me and him?’

‘Kill you both,’ she shrugs.

‘That’s not allowed. Okay I have one for you, fuck marry kill: me, James, Burr.’

She mimes being violently sick, ‘I think I'd rather throw myself off a cliff.’

Jefferson props his chin in his hands and smiles winningly at her. ‘You can tell me; I promise not to tell the others.’

‘Well I'd marry Madison, obviously,’ she says.

‘Aaand?’ he prompts, eyes bright.

‘You know what I'm going to say,’ she says petulantly.

His grin somehow stretches even wider. ‘I just want to hear you say it.’

‘Fuck you, kill Burr,’ she says as fast as she can.

Jefferson leans back in his chair with a pleased smirk, ‘see, that wasn’t so hard to admit, was it?’

‘Yeah yeah, no need to look so pleased about it,’ she mutters.

‘Well I'm just happy that you can finally admit that you think I'm the most attractive person on the planet.’

‘I do _not_ ,’ she protests hotly. ‘But between you and Burr you're the slightly less sickening option.’

‘You keep telling yourself that, we both know you _looove meeee_.’

~

 _Thomas: 15:15:_ Jamesey, I feel like I’ve never really noticed how attractive Hamilton is when she's arguing with someone?? She's actually quite hot?

 _James: 15:16:_????? Please pay attention to the debate. Burr can definitely see me on my phone and he's giving me a real judgy look

 _James: 15:37:_ Stop staring at Hamilton, you look like a creep

~

‘What’s in the box?’

Alex leans against the door frame and pushes her hair out of her eyes, trying to catch her breath. ‘A bookcase.’

‘You lugged that all the way up from the lobby by yourself?’ Jefferson frowns.

‘It didn’t fit in the elevator so yes,’ she pants. ‘Adams laughed at me on his way out.’

‘Asshole,’ Jefferson mutters. ‘Do you want a hand assembling it?’

She musters up the last of her energy and drags it the rest of the way into the office before collapsing onto their couch. Jefferson laughs at her. ‘It’s the end of the day, I'm sure you have better things to be doing on a Friday evening than building flat-pack furniture with me.’

‘Maybe I want to mock you mercilessly about your lack of Friday night plans,’ he says.

‘Yeah that sounds more likely,’ she replies. ‘But I'd just like to point out that you don’t have any plans either.’

‘It will be fun,’ Jefferson says cheerfully, rising from his desk to inspect the box.

She pulls a face, ‘no one who’s ever built flat-pack furniture before would describe it as ‘fun’.’ She's momentarily distracted by Jefferson removing his jacket and rolling up the cuffs on his shirt to his elbows.

‘You gonna help me, or just stare?’ he smirks.

She sighs and kicks off her heels. ‘Let’s do this.’

‘How hard can it be?’

‘Where the fuck does this piece go?’

‘I have some suggestions,’ Jefferson mutters darkly.

She rounds on him, ‘you wanna fight, Jefferson?’

‘Ooh what are you going to do? Stab me with an Allen key?’ he mocks.

She jabs a finger into his chest. ‘Don’t try me. I will fight you; I have nothing to lose.’

‘Terrifying,’ he drawls. ‘Didn't anyone ever tell you not to pick fights with people bigger than you?’

‘Oh please, everyone is bigger than me.’

‘Sorry, for a moment there I forgot you were the size of a munchkin.’

‘Okay, that’s it,’ she snaps, rolling up her sleeves. ‘You ready to die, bitch-boy?’

Their confrontation is interrupted by the half-assembled bookcase wobbling precariously with a worrying groan. They both rush forward to steady it and end up in a distressingly intimate conga line of two.

‘If you'd wanted to press yourself against me all you had to do was ask,’ Jefferson murmurs in her ear.

She jabs her elbow into his stomach. ‘In your dreams, Jefferson.’ She ducks out from under his arms to assess the stability of the bookcase.

‘I'm ordering food,’ he says suddenly.

‘What, now?’

‘We’ve been here nearly two hours trying to build your stupid furniture,’ he points out.

‘You were the one who offered to help,’ she retorts.

‘Do you want food or not? I know the rumour going around the office is that you survive solely on coffee, but we both know that’s not true.’

‘Yeah, okay food would be good,’ she grins. ‘Just as long as you're paying.’

Whilst they wait for the food to arrive, they finish building the bookcase, standing back with pride when it’s finally assembled. Jefferson goes down to collect the food and Alex tidies the office, picking up an assortment of screws that she's fairly sure were meant to go in the bookcase.

‘Okay, I have a question,’ Jefferson asks when they're settled. He's sat on the floor, hair tied back, his long legs stretched out in front of him. She's sat on his desk, stabbing at a carton of noodles with her chopsticks.

‘Shoot.’

‘Do you think we were friends in a past life?’

‘We’re not even friends in this life,’ she snorts.

‘Do you want to be?’ Jefferson asks.

‘Are you trying to be nice because you want more dating advice?’

Jefferson pulls a face. ‘No.’

‘Is this an intervention? Is Laf trying to get you to be nice to me because he's worried we’re going to have a repeat of last summer?’ she asks through a mouthful of spring roll.

‘What happened last summer?’

‘Got drunk a lot. Thought I could play strip poker. Got naked a lot.’

Jefferson chokes on the mouthful of food he's eating. ‘Too much information, Hamilton.’

‘Sorry, forgot you were a prude,’ she laughs.

‘You're a menace to society,’ he says, and he sounds so scandalised that she can't help but laugh even harder.

‘Have you never played strip poker?’ she asks innocently.

‘Of course not,’ he gapes. If he had been wearing pearls Alex is sure he’d be clutching at them.

‘You need to loosen up, Jefferson,’ she says.

‘Stop grinning at me like that, you look deranged.’

Her grin widens and she probably does look borderline insane. ‘You need to learn to have Jefferfun.’

‘No. Absolutely not. Never speak again,’ he says flatly.

‘Did you not appreciate the… Jefferpun?’

‘Never have I wanted to murder anyone more than I do you right now.’

‘If only you had a… Jeffergun,’ she says, straight-faced. His face has turned an unusual shade of red and she absently wonders if he's going to spontaneously combust.

‘Hamilton,’ he says in low warning.

‘Are you… Jefferdone?’

She doesn’t move fast enough to avoid the spring roll that he lobs in her direction and it hits her squarely between the eyes.

She's still laughing as they prepare to leave, wrapping up in coats and packing their stuff away.

They ride the elevator in easy silence, and he holds the door for her as they walk onto the street. ‘It’s freezing,’ she grimaces. ‘Fuck, I want to move back to the Caribbean.’

‘Will we finally be rid of you?’ Jefferson asks hopefully. She swats his arm. They linger, the lights of the buildings reflecting in his dark eyes.

‘It’s far too cold for me out here,’ she says with a shiver, eyeing his scarf enviously.

‘You should have dressed appropriately then,’ he replies with a smug smile. 

‘Thanks for your help with the bookcase,’ she says with an eye-roll. ‘See you on Monday.’

‘Hamilton, wait,’ he calls when she's walked a couple of paces. He crosses the distance between them in a few long strides. He unwinds the scarf from his neck and loops it around her own. ‘Have a good weekend,’ he says with a soft smile.

Something strange and unwelcome stirs in her as she watches him walk away. She wraps the scarf tighter around her and breathes in the scent of Jefferson's cologne. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ she breathes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Fight Club (AKA When Will Hammie and Jefferson Admit They Fancy Each Other?)**

_Madzz: 14:10:_ I think we need to help Thomas out

 _Angel-ica: 14:10:_ Oh really? What makes you say that? Could it be the fact that Al tried to push him down the stairs this morning?

 _HR Becky: 14:11:_ Going to pretend I didn’t just read that…

 _Madzz: 14:11:_ How would you feel about adding him to this chat?

 _Angel-ica: 14:11:_ Go on, I could use a laugh

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:12:_ We must help him however we can

 _Madzz: 14:12:_ Please be nice to him, Angelica. He’s feeling very sensitive at the moment and, as I've mentioned before, you really do scare him

 _HR Becky: 14:12:_ Lolololol

 _GWash: 14:13:_ If we add him will he be able to read all our previous messages?

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:13:_ Non

 _Madzz: 14:13:_ Thank god, otherwise he’d probably have a breakdown

**GWash added TJeffs to the chat**

_Angel-ica: 14:14:_ S’up dickface

 _TJeffs: 14:14:_ What. The. Actual. Fuck?

 _Madzz: 14:15:_ Tommy, please don’t freak out. We've added you to this chat because we trust you not to be weird

 _TJeffs: 14:15:_ You have a group chat about whether Hamilton and I will get together?? And our ex-president is in it?? And you expect me not to be weird about it??

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:16:_ We’re here to help you, mon ami

 _Angel-ica: 14:16:_ But we won't hesitate to kick you out if needs be

 _HR Becky: 14:16:_ We did it to Burr, we can do it to you

 _TJeffs: 14:17:_ Burr was part of this??! Burr?!!?

 _Madzz: 14:17:_ Let’s try and focus on the important stuff here

 _Angel-ica: 14:17:_ Like why Hammie still hates your guts, even though she's meant to be madly in love with you at this point…

 _HR Becky: 14:18:_ Please neither confirm nor deny the rumour that she tried to push you down the stairs

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:18:_ Does she still think you have romantic feelings for a woman other than her?

 _TJeffs: 14:18:_ I feel kinda weird talking about this with y’all…

 _Angel-ica: 14:19:_ Well get over that real quick

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:19:_ We’re only here to offer advice

 _TJeffs: 14:19:_ Hamilton has got it into her head that the only reason I'm being nice to her is because I'm dying and don’t want to shuffle off this mortal coil with a guilty conscience…

 _Angel-ica: 14:20:_ Please recognise this for the insult that it is, but you have invented a new kind of flirting

 _HR Becky: 14:20:_ I think you could make it work in your favour. If you confirm it, she’ll feel obligated to date you… you just have to die after a couple of months

 _Angel-ica: 14:21:_ Win-win

 _GWash: 14:21:_ After dating Hamilton for a few months you might be grateful to go.

 _Madzz: 14:21:_ That’s awful advice and you know it. Useful suggestions only please

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:22:_ Okay, well we know she finds you physically attractive

 _TJeffs: 14:22:_ We do??

 _Angel-ica: 14:22:_ Jesus Christ man, just how thick are you?

 _HR Becky: 14:23:_ She wants to climb you like a tree. Trust me

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:23:_ Take your shirt off in front of her

 _TJeffs: 14:23:_ Oh yeah, because that wouldn’t be weird at all??

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:24:_ We will find a way!

 _Madzz: 14:24:_ Does anyone have any bright ideas that don’t involve nudity?

 _HR Becky: 14:24:_ Interpretive dance?

 _Angel-ica: 14:25:_ Ooh, I've heard many things about your dancing, Jefferson

 _Madzz: 14:25:_ No

 _TJeffs: 14:25:_ No

 _GWash 14:25:_ Definitely not.

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:26:_ I still think we need to get your shirt off. What if I came into your office and said it was National Shirtless Day?

 _GWash: 14:26:_ I worry about you sometimes.

 _Angel-ica: 14:26:_ Please don’t give Al any more excuses to take her clothes off

 _Baguette Fucker: 14:27:_ I’ll talk to you later, Thomas. We’ll sort something out

 _Madzz: 14:27:_ All shirts stay ON

 _HR Becky: 14:27:_ Spoilsport

 _Angel-ica: 14:28:_ Okay god fine, I’ll talk to Alex. You look so despondent that I can't help but take pity on you

 _TJeffs: 14:28:_ Oh no, you don’t have to do that… actually, please don’t do that

 _Angel-ica: 14:29:_ Too late, I've decided

~

‘Al, would you sleep with Jefferson?’

‘Right now? You gonna whip a camera out and film it?’

‘Just curious,’ Angelica replies, leaning casually against the door frame.

Alexandra chews on the end of her biro as she thinks. ‘I dunno. Sometimes I consider it, but then I look at him and I'm reminded of those fish that live at the very bottom of the ocean? The really ugly ones?’

‘Yeah I get that,’ Angelica replies, nodding sagely.

‘Screw you both,’ Jefferson sighs.

~

Alex isn't entirely sure how it happens, but one minute Lafayette is rushing into their office, and the next Jefferson is covered in what looks like blood.

‘Did you just stab Jefferson?’ she asks mildly.

‘It’s tomato soup,’ Lafayette replies. ‘How clumsy I am! What a shame Thomas; it looks like you’ll have to _take off your shirt_.’ Something goes on between the two men, communicated purely through the medium of eyebrow movement. ‘If you don’t take it off _right now_ , the soup will stain,’ Lafayette continues.

‘I think it could only improve it,’ she chips in. Jefferson does not look impressed.

‘Luckily I happen to have a spare top with me,’ Lafayette says cheerfully, whipping out a t-shirt from seemingly nowhere. ‘You just have to _take off your shirt_.’ Alex looks between the two men in total confusion. Jefferson catches her eye and gives her a beseeching look. 

‘What's happening?’ she asks finally.

‘Thomas is covered in soup! He must change,’ Lafayette says.

‘That doesn’t actually answer my question,’ she frowns. ‘Does that t-shirt say ‘fuck the government’?’

‘Oui, Herc made it.’

‘Can he make one for me?’ she asks hopefully.

‘Hamilton, we _are_ the government,’ Jefferson reminds her.

‘Yeah, what's your point?’

Lafayette waves the t-shirt in Jefferson's face with all the flamboyance of a bullfighter. ‘Focus, Thomas. We must get you out of your shirt so we can wash it.’

‘If you're shy, I can close my eyes,’ she offers.

Lafayette shoots her a look she doesn’t understand. ‘He’s _not_ shy. I have seen this man naked, he has no reason to be shy. He’s magnificent-‘

‘I'm going to change in the bathroom,' Jefferson interrupt, snatching the t-shirt out of Lafayette’s hands. Lafayette glares at him as he leaves.

A slightly awkward silence descends on the office.

‘He’s a very handsome man, non?’ Lafayette says after a moment. ‘Very broad shoulders. Very pert derriere.’

She hopes her face doesn’t reflect how horrified she feels by the turn this conversation has taken. She's still trying to get over the fact that Lafayette has seen Jefferson naked.

Lafayette, it seems, isn't finished. ‘And such a kind man. A very gentle spirit, non? Really, he is perfect in every way.’

‘Riiight,’ she says. ‘Are you… are you trying to tell me you have a crush on Jefferson?’

Now it’s Lafayette’s turn to stare at her like she's gone insane. ‘Me? In love with Jefferson? No, no, no.’

‘Well you're just being really weird,’ she says defensively. ‘I thought you were trying to tell me something.’

‘I'm trying to tell you that Thomas is wonderful and sexy!’

‘Right, okay. I'm really glad you like him, I mean, someone has to, right?’ she jokes weakly. The look Lafayette gives her is practically glacial and she slowly backs towards the office door in alarm.

She almost jumps out of her skin when Jefferson strides back in, looking slightly flustered.

‘Look at this beautiful man!’ Lafayette exclaims, wrapping an arm around Jefferson's shoulders and practically thrusting him in her direction.

‘Yeah I see him,’ she says faintly. Jefferson looks unfairly attractive in what it turns out is actually a very tight t-shirt. ‘You have got to get me one of those t-shirts.’

‘Such strong arms,’ Lafayette is saying, his hands wrapped around Jefferson's bicep. ‘You should come and feel them, I think you'd like it.’

‘No, no it’s okay, seriously,’ she says quickly. ‘I've just remembered that I urgently need to…speak to Burr.’ She hightails it out of the office before either man can protest.

Burr is sat at his desk, frowning intently at his computer screen when she drops down into the seat opposite him. She props her chin on her hand and smiles winningly at him. He doesn’t react.

‘Oh come on, you know you want to,’ she grins.

‘I can assure you that I do not,’ he replies, not taking his eyes off the screen.

‘I won't leave until you do,’ she threatens. Burr heaves a sigh before slowly giving her his full attention.

She leans closer, staring unblinkingly into his eyes. He stares back. Her eyes start to water but she just narrows them in response. Not a single hint of emotion is visible on Burr’s face. Her right eye starts to twitch.

‘Fuck,’ she says finally, blinking madly. ‘How do you do it? It’s creepy.’

‘Have you satisfied your childish need for games?’ Burr asks.

She frowns, ‘it’s not a game, it’s a relaxation technique. I think it works because you're so dead behind the eyes.’

Burr doesn’t rise to the bait, just gives her a vague smile and turns back to his computer. She glances around the otherwise empty office. ‘Where are Angelica and Madison?’

He shrugs, ‘they left a while ago to discuss something in private. Something about fish I think?’

‘Weird but okay.’ There’s a long pause. Burr types something on his computer and doesn’t even spare a glance in her direction. ‘Do you think Jefferson is hot?’ she asks after the silence has gone on too long to be comfortable.

‘I can't say I've ever thought about it,’ Burr replies mildly.

‘But you do have eyes,’ she prompts. ‘Have you seen him naked? Lafayette has seen him naked.’

‘I have not seen Jefferson naked.’

‘Hmm, well you’ve given me lots to think about,’ she says, rising from her seat. ‘I’ll catch you later.’

‘What did you do with Jefferson?’ Alex asks Lafayette when she finally builds up the nerve to return to her office.

‘He left,’ Laf says sadly, slumped dejectedly on their couch.

She frowns in confusion. ‘Have you been sat here the entire time? I've been hiding in the break room for like an hour.’

‘He’s gone, my little lion.’

She glances over in concern, Laf sounds like he may be close to tears. ‘He’s not… _dead,_ is he?’ she asks tentatively.

‘He ran away to Monticello,’ he wails. ‘You didn’t even get to feel his strong arms.’

‘I'm not sure I blame him, you were acting very strangely,’ she muses. ‘And I don’t need to feel his arms, I've already had them wrapped around me once and that was quite enough.’

Laf’s head shoots up so fast she worries he may have just sustained some pretty serious whiplash. ‘ _What_? When?’

‘What happens in Monticello, stays in Monticello,’ she smirks.

‘Did you enjoy the experience?’ he asks, sounding remarkably more chipper than he did a moment ago.

She casts her mind back to waking up with his arm around her waist. ‘I think at the time I was quite stressed by the whole ordeal.’

‘Did you feel safe wrapped in his warm embrace?’ Laf asks, staring at her with such intensity that she can't maintain eye contact with him.

She pulls a face, ‘I mean, maybe? He's very warm.’

Laf smiles beatifically, ‘how wonderful.’

What he said to her earlier finally catches up with her. ‘Wait, what do you mean he's gone to Monticello? It’s the middle of the day.’

Laf’s smile dims, ‘he ran out in quite a rush. I think he was quite overwhelmed.’

‘He didn’t even say goodbye,’ she says. ‘How dare he leave without letting me insult him one last time. I had an insult about his Christmas tree that I’ve been saving up, and he doesn’t usually leave without comparing me to a Christmas elf at least once.’ Her rant is interrupted by a knock at the door. For a moment she thinks it might be Jefferson returning but it’s Madison that sticks his head around the door.

‘Have you seen Thomas; he's not picking up his phone?’

‘Apparently he's on his way to Monticello,’ she says with a shrug.

‘He's what?’

‘I don’t know what prompted it,’ Lafayette says sadly. ‘One minute everything was fine, the next he grabbed his stuff and ran.’

She side-eyes her friend, ‘you really can't think of a single reason why he might have left in a hurry?’

Madison narrows his eyes at Lafayette, ‘what did you do?’

‘Nothing bad,’ Laf insists.

Madison turns to Alex. ‘What did he do?’

‘Threw soup at him, yelled at him to take his clothes off, felt up his arms,’ she says gleefully.

‘We talked about this,’ Madison hisses. ‘And now you’ve scared him away!’

‘I was only trying to help,’ Laf mumbles, looking like a kicked puppy.

‘It was very entertaining,’ she says, flashing a grateful smile at Lafayette. ‘Plus, I think it’s hilarious that Jefferson has done a runner. I can bully him about this for all eternity.’

Laf gives Madison a hopeful smile. ‘See? Alexandra thinks it’s endearing.’

‘That’s not what I said at all,’ she says under her breath.

‘I’ll talk to Thomas,’ Madison sighs. ‘He’s probably crying all the way to Virginia.’

‘God, I hope so,’ she says, delighted by the prospect.

~

Alex glances over at Jefferson's empty desk before turning back to her notes. Angelica is dozing on the couch, she marched in an hour ago saying she needed to hide from Burr.

‘Angelica,’ Alex says slowly, realisation slowly dawning. ‘I think I've just realised something.’

‘That no one here likes you?’ Angelica suggests blearily.

‘I think Jefferson might have actually been trying to flirt with me.’

Angelica sits up so fast that Alex half-stands in alarm. ‘You’ve only just realised?!’

‘You knew?!’ she exclaims.

‘Of course I knew, he's not exactly subtle,’ Angelica says. ‘I thought you were playing hard to get.’

‘Why would I play hard to get when I'm already hard to want?’

Angelica looks deeply unimpressed. ‘How could you not notice? He went halfway across the city to get you one of those sandwiches you like, and when you smiled at him he looked like he was going to have to go for a lie-down to recover.’

‘I thought he was just trying to be nice after he spread that rumour that when I'm stressed I eat paperclips.’

‘You what? No, never mind. He's _obviously_ head over heels for you,’ Angelica says.

She frowns, ‘well if he’s as head over heels as you say, then why did he tell everyone I eat office stationary?’

‘Because he couldn’t flirt if his life depended on it,’ Angelica mutters.

‘What do you think I should do?’ Alex asks. ‘Should I message him?’

‘To say what?’

‘I don’t know, that I acknowledge his flirting?’

Angelica is looking at her like she's a particularly fascinating science experiment. ‘It baffles me how your mind works. Sometimes I question whether it works at all.’

‘Okay I won't message him then. He's already gone to Monticello, should I wait until he comes back to say something? Or I could go down there and pretend to bump into him?’ she suggests.

Angelica cocks her head to the side. ‘Please keep going; I want to hear how you’d convince Jefferson that you just happened to be in Virginia, super close to his house, and had serendipitously run into him, all without looking like you're stalking him.’

‘You might have a point there,’ she admits.

‘I think we’re ignoring the most important question: do you like him back?’

She's not really sure how to respond to that, so she just frowns at a biro on her desk. ‘I'm not sure,’ she says finally. ‘I think the best thing to do in this situation would be to make a list of pros and cons.’

‘Oh for crying out loud,’ Angelica exclaims. ‘You're both as bad as each other. Well you have to make up your mind before the Christmas party next week.’

‘Is Jefferson going to that?’

Angelica has already whipped out her phone and is typing away furiously. ‘I’ll speak to Lafayette; don’t you worry, lover-boy will be in attendance.’

~

 _Lafayette: 19:09:_ I know you're already at Monticello, but Herc and I are throwing a Christmas party! Next Friday at 7pm

 _Jefferson: 19:09:_ I'm not sure I’ll be able to make it :/

 _Lafayette: 19:09:_ You will be there, Thomas. I have huge amounts of blackmail material and I'm not afraid to use it :) Do you want Hamilton finding out about that time you broke your wrist trying to impress a girl?

 _Jefferson: 19:10:_ I’ll be there


	11. Chapter 11

‘I'm nervous.’

‘Have some more wine,’ Angelica suggests. Alex follows her advice and drains her glass, smiling gratefully at Angelica as she tops it up.

‘Why are you nervous?’ Eliza asks patiently, like they haven't had this exact conversation at least five times in the last hour.

‘Because Jefferson is going to be there. What if it’s super weird?’ she wails.

Angelica snorts. ‘He’ll find a way to make it weird, don’t you worry.’

‘It will all work out,’ Eliza reassures.

‘Have you decided how you feel about him yet?’ Angelica asks.

‘I wrote a list of pros and cons,’ she says brightly, pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket.

‘Here we go,’ Angelica mutters under her breath.

Eliza smiles encouragingly. ‘Go on, let’s hear it.’

‘Okay, so a pro is that he's quite possibly one of the most attractive people I've ever met,’ she begins. ‘But a con is that I often want to punch him in the face when he talks.’

‘You did punch him once, didn’t you?’ Eliza queries.

‘Only because he said something unbelievably offensive. But that segues nicely into my second con: sometimes he says things that are unbelievably offensive.’

‘I hate to admit it, but he has got better,’ Angelica says. ‘And he stuck up for you when Charles Lee said all that stuff about you before he got fired.’

‘What did Lee say?’ Eliza asks with a frown.

Alex shrugs, ‘the usual. I think he called me a power-grabbing, social-climbing whore.’

‘Jefferson tried to fight him there and then in the break room,’ Angelica tells her sister gleefully. ‘It was very romantic… in a testosterone-heavy way.’

She casts her mind back to the incident, ‘I think he was just looking for an excuse to fight Lee.’

‘No, he was doing it in your honour,’ Angelica corrects.

Eliza looks troubled. ‘Does this mean he thinks Al can't fight her own battles?’

‘Well, that’s what I thought, but then Alex told him not to get involved and he instantly stepped back and just glared at Lee over her shoulder whilst Al ripped him a new one. As I said, super romantic.’

‘I really don’t remember it happening like that,’ she muses. ‘But I suppose that can go on the pros list. I’ll also include the fact that he's very strong on that list; if I did need him to fight for my honour, I think he’d probably win. Another pro is that he hasn't seen my tattoo yet so might still think I have the capacity to make good decisions.'

Angelica snorts, 'he doesn't need to see your weird butt tattoo to know that you make terrible decisions.'

'It's cute!' she protests. 

'It's an owl wearing a top hat, it's not cute it's weird.'

‘His fashion sense…’ Eliza begins, in an effort to get them back on topic. 

‘Appalling,’ Alex and Angelica say simultaneously. She takes a sip of wine and briefly questions why she's even considering a man who thinks it’s acceptable to wear that vile pink coat.

‘His hair is very soft though,’ she counters finally. ‘And I imagine I could orchestrate an unfortunate accident for the monstrosity he calls a coat. The garbage disposal chute perhaps?’

‘Don’t deny you're not attracted to him when he wears a white shirt and rolls the sleeves up,’ Angelica smirks. ‘I've seen the way you look at him.’

‘He looks good like that okay! It’s not my fault I notice.’

‘What else is on your list?’ Eliza asks.

She smooths over the crumpled paper and tries to decipher her near-illegible writing. ‘Pro: he once made brownies and they were delicious. Con: he’s obsessed with macaroni cheese to an unhealthy level and labours under the misapprehension that it’s delicious. Pro: he's very good at arguing. Con: he's very good at arguing.’

‘Well you need someone who can keep up with you,’ Eliza says.

‘Yeah but not someone who can beat me,’ she points out. ‘I've also written under cons that he has a stupid voice, and that he still thinks his weird cane is cool.’

Angelica pulls a face, ‘the cane is maybe the worst thing on the planet.’

‘Stop trying to influence her,’ Eliza chides Angelica.

‘’Liza, she's not stupid, she's well aware of the inherent unsexiness of the pimp cane.’

Eliza rolls her eyes, ‘ignore Angelica.’

‘Okay, a pro is he's very attractive-‘

‘You’ve already said that.’

‘Well it’s worth repeating because it’s true. And he's very good at building flat-pack furniture, plus he does a hilarious impression of Burr. A con is that I once saw a goose and was instantly reminded of him and I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Another con is that I've seen him dancing and, really, the less said about that the better.’

‘Madison said Jefferson's hips did some pretty impressive things.’ Angelica waggles her eyebrows as Eliza giggles.

She slowly shakes her head at the memory, ‘if you're imagining something sexy then don’t.’

‘Is that all you have on the list?’ Eliza asks.

She glances down and hastily folds the piece of paper back up, feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks. ‘Yep that’s it. Nothing else written on there. Let’s move on.’

Angelica narrows her eyes, ‘you have something else on there. What is it?’

‘Nothing,’ she insists, her voice coming out an octave higher than usual.

‘You're hiding something,’ Angelica says, sharing a look with her sister. Before Alex has the chance to react, they both leap forward, Eliza tickling her mercilessly as she shrieks, Angelica prying the piece of her paper out of her clenched fist.

‘Ha!’ Angelica exclaims finally, shooting to her feet, waving the paper triumphantly.

‘Nooo,’ Alex moans, sinking into the couch cushions, praying for them to swallow her whole.

‘Read it, read it, read it,’ Eliza chants.

Angelica clears her throat dramatically. ‘Okay, we have a few more pros that dear Hammie didn’t think it was worth mentioning. First one is that she thinks Jefferson is funny. The second one is that he has lovely, kind eyes.’ Angelica mimes being violently sick but there’s laughter in her eyes. There's half a glass of wine sat on the coffee table, Alex idly wonders if it would be possible to drown herself in it.

‘She's written that he's hot, even though that’s already on the list twice already,’ Angelica cackles. ‘And, oh this is actually quite sweet, she's put that she misses him when he's not there.’ She hides her flaming cheeks behind her hands.

‘Awww,’ Eliza coos.

‘Stop it,’ she mumbles as Eliza wraps an arm around her and pries her hands away from her face.

‘You're adorable,’ Eliza teases.

‘No need to be embarrassed, we’re all friends here,’ Angelica says with a shark-like grin.

‘Not anymore,’ she mutters, although she's unable to keep the smile off her own face.

Eliza gets to her feet and reaches down to drag her off the couch. ‘Come on, we need to get you ready.’

‘The party doesn’t start for like three hours,’ she protests.

‘And we’ll need every minute we can get to make you look presentable,’ Eliza replies.

‘You and Jefferson are finally going to stop being dumb and admit you want to bang each other, you need to look amazing,’ Angelica adds.

‘Do you definitely think he does?’ she asks.

‘Does what?’ Eliza asks.

‘Want to bang me.’

Angelica lets out a loud groan. ‘You are literally the dumbest person I've ever met. He wants you so much that it’s actually sickening. Before he left you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.’

Alex follows Eliza and Angelica, the two of them loudly singing, ‘Jefferson and Hamilton, sitting in a tree…’

~

**Mistlebros**

_Baguette Fucker: 17:17:_ John, I need you to make sure there’s mistletoe above every doorframe in the house

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:18:_ Why???

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:18:_ Because I say so!

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:18:_ And because I need to get Alex and Thomas under some tonight

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:19:_ How did you get him to agree to come?? Also please change the group name, I hate it

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 17:19_ : Blackmail. Apparently Laf has enough dirt on all of us he can use it for his nefarious purposes

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:20:_ Should we be worried?

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:20:_ Only if you don’t get that mistletoe up in time….

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:21:_ Okay okay jeez I'm doing it keep your pants on

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 17:21:_ He’s been planning this party for weeks. And when I say ‘party’ I mean ‘setting up Alex and Thomas’

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:22:_ Laf I love you but you need to get out more. Maybe take up some sort of craft? Macramé?

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:22:_ Herc you're bringing the Christmas banner over, oui?

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 17:23:_ For the hundredth time, _yes_. I also made one that says ‘Jefferson is a dick’ in case things don’t go well

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:23:_ I'm sure that will bring great comfort to Alex

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:24:_ If you two have enough time for chitchat then I hope that means you’ve done everything I've asked. John, if I get back and there isn't mistletoe above every available surface then it will be _you_ hanging from above the doorframe….

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 17:25:_ …babe you need to chill

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:25:_ I WILL “CHILL” WHEN ALEX AND THOMAS ARE FINALLY HAPPY. I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS

 _HERCULES MULLIGAN: 17:26:_ And everyone admires your dedication (and 100% thinks you need a new hobby) but poor John is probably crying into a bunch of mistletoe right now

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:26:_ John?

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:26:_ John??

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:27:_ JOHN

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:28:_ JOHN?!?!?

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:29:_ JOHN LAURENS

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:30:_ JOOOOOHHNNNNNN

 _I’m John Laurens: 17:32:_ I WAS PUTTING THE MISTLETOE UP, COOL YOUR JETS

 _Baguette Fucker: 17:32:_ Oh right. Sorry. And sorry I threatened to murder you

~

‘I think I'm going to vomit,’ Thomas admits. James takes a hasty step back.

‘Hamilton isn't even here yet,’ he points out. The party is buzzing, but so far there’s no sign of Hamilton or either of the eldest Schuyler sisters. Thomas dragged him into a corner as soon as they arrived and has spent the last fifteen minutes twitchier than a sinner in church.

Thomas looks around frantically. ‘What if she's not coming? What if she decided she hates me and never wants to see me again?’

‘Why would she think that?’

‘Maybe she found out about the bust,’ Thomas hisses.

James fights back a snort of amusement. ‘The only people who know about the bust are me and you, and I certainly haven't told anyone. Plus, it’s down in Monticello, she’ll never find out.’ Thomas mutters something too quietly for him to hear. ‘What?’

‘It’s not in Monticello. It’s in the trunk of my car,’ Thomas admits in a rush.

He tries to not choke on the sip of whiskey he's just taken. ‘You _what_?!’

‘ _Shh_ ,’ Thomas hisses, giving a small wave to John Jay who’s looked over in alarm at James' outburst. ‘I panicked! It felt wrong to just leave it in Monticello.’

‘One day I hope you receive the therapy you so obviously need,’ James says finally.

‘It’s hidden under a blanket, she’ll never find it.’ Thomas sounds like he's trying to reassure himself more than anything else.

‘You hope,’ James mutters.

‘Okay what should I do when she arrives? Go over and say hello? No, too forward. Play it cool and ignore her? No, she might think I hate her. Stay lurking in this corner in the hope that she’ll take pity on me and come and talk to me? Yes, good plan.’

‘Tommy, you are aware you're talking out loud right?’ he clarifies. ‘Also, do _not_ stay in this corner like a weirdo. Go over and talk to her like a normal person.’

‘I'm not a normal person,’ Thomas says, looking panicked.

‘She already knows that. And I don’t mean to stress you out, but she's just walked in.’

Thomas immediately freezes and stares intently at his shoes as if they might somehow hold the answers to the universe. ‘Stop looking over there,’ he hisses.

James does no such thing. ‘She’s scanning the room for someone. Oh, I think it’s you; I mean, I assume it’s you she wants to talk to, it would be weird if it was me. She's said something to Angelica that’s made her laugh and now she's coming over. Try not to screw this up.’

‘Hi boys,’ Hamilton says with a wide smile when she finally reaches them.

‘You look nice,’ he says truthfully. He gives Thomas a significant look but the other man wilfully ignores it and stays silent.

‘Thanks Madison, you do too. You okay, Jefferson? You're unusually quiet which makes a welcome change.’

‘’M fine,’ Thomas mumbles.

‘Cool, wanna argue about who would make the best president?’ Hamilton asks Thomas. Thomas actually looks thrilled by the prospect.

‘Sure, but only if you're ready to admit it would be me.’

James makes a hasty retreat just as they really get going.

‘I've come to the conclusion that arguing is their love language,’ Angelica says cheerfully when she intercepts him as he pours himself another whiskey.

‘You think?’ he asks hopefully.

‘For sure, I mean, look at them,’ Angelica smirks. James glances over and sure enough, the two of them are practically nose-to-nose, Thomas leaning against the wall, Hamilton puffed up to full height in her indignation. As he watches Hamilton reaches out to poke Thomas’ chest with her finger, but before she can make contact, he grabs her hand and just… doesn’t let go.

‘Adorable,’ Angelica sighs.

‘Do you think they even realise?’ he muses.

She snorts. ‘Of course not. They're both thick as shit.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’

‘I didn’t think you were coming,’ Alex says some time later, once they’ve finally stopped arguing about who would write the funniest presidential speeches. ‘I thought Lafayette had scared you away for good.’

‘I will admit, I'm slightly traumatised. The man threw soup at me!’

She cackles, ‘I thought he was trying to tell me he wanted to get in your pants. Kept telling me how wonderful you are.’

‘I am wonderful,’ Jefferson preens.

They're interrupted by the man himself and Jefferson eyes Laf’s drink warily, as if worried he’ll launch it at him any second. ‘Beautiful people! What are you doing standing in this sad corner?’

‘Are you drunk?’ she asks immediately.

Laf sways slightly and smiles widely. ‘Non, but I would like you to move from this corner.’

She frowns in confusion. ‘Why?’

‘Because of the… the Feng Shui of the room,’ Laf garbles. She shares a look with Thomas. ‘Look I just need you to move somewhere else.’

‘Riiight,’ Jefferson says slowly, eyeing his friend like he's gone mad. Lafayette stands there looking expectant so they retreat to the side of the room. If possible, he then looks even more disappointed than before.

‘What have you done to him?’ Jefferson mutters just loud enough for her to hear.

‘I like how you're blaming me for his slide into insanity,’ she shoots back. ‘It all started with you and the soup.’ When she glances over at Laf he makes a shooing gesture and she takes a few more steps over to the right. She gives him a questioning look but he just shakes his head forlornly.

‘Did you miss me when I was gone?’ Jefferson asks.

She rolls her eyes. ‘Not for a second. I sat in your bougie office chair and enjoyed the peace and quiet.’

‘You better not have sat in my chair,’ he frowns. Her gaze is drawn to Herc, Laf and John, all in deep conversation behind Thomas’ right shoulder. When they see her looking, Hercules and Laf disappear into the kitchen and John does a bad job of looking innocent.

‘I did; I put my feet up on your desk and stole food out of your snack drawer,’ she smirks.

‘I’ll know if you have and I won't be happy,’ Jefferson threatens.

It’s at that moment that she becomes aware of something out of her peripheral vision. Lafayette, slowly inching what looks like a broom handle over their heads. She looks up in alarm and Laf notices her looking up so quickly fully extends the handle, almost hitting Jefferson on the head with it.

‘Wha- Oh.’ Taped to the end of the broom is a sprig of mistletoe. Alex looks up at Jefferson and catches his gaze flicking down to her lips. She thinks she might be blushing but that could just be because Laf’s gaze is burning a hole in the side of her head.

‘It’s tradition,’ Lafayette says loudly when neither of them makes a move. She takes a step closer to Jefferson.

‘We don’t have to… if it would make you uncomfortable,’ Jefferson murmurs.

She rolls her eyes. ‘For once in your life don’t be an idiot.’

He leans down and she stands up on her tiptoes. Their mouths press together and she's vaguely aware of his hand on her hip, the other framing the side of her face.

It’s fireworks and trumpets and explosions of stars. It’s also the whoop of Lafayette, the small sigh of John, and the muttered ‘ _finally_ ’ of Madison. Someone’s also making retching noises but she suspects that’s Burr.

When they finally pull apart they're both slightly out of breath.

‘Not bad, Jefferson,’ she says, sounding slightly giddy, even to her own ears.

‘You should call me Thomas.’

‘Well if we’re actually doing this then I suppose you can call me Alexandra, or Alex, or whatever really, I do still answer to ‘bird-brained harpy’.’

Thomas rolls his eyes, ‘I called you that _once_.’

‘Yeah in an interview with the media! John Adams still calls me that when he thinks I can't hear him.’

‘Well I wouldn’t call you that now… to your face.’

She frowns up at Thomas. ‘I can't believe I'm attracted to you. But I am, so let’s go and make out in the corner over there.’

~

 _Angelica: 23:12:_ I know you and Jefferson thought you were being stealthy sneaking out, but we all saw you and the disgustingly lovey dovey looks on your faces

 _Angelica: 23:12:_ Tell Jefferson to pop back into my office after the Christmas break so I can give him the shovel talk :)

~

 _Lafayette: 23:17:_ CONGRATULATIONS MY LITTLE LION!! I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO RESIST THOMAS’ SCULPTED BICEPS

~

 _Eliza: 23:22:_ You are ADORABLE!! I think that was the most romantic kiss I've ever witnessed (Lafayette was moved to tears by it… although now I think about it that could be because he’s incredible drunk). Jefferson has the Schuyler Sister Seal of Satisfaction!

~

 _Peggy: 23:25:_ Do you know what Lafayette did with the mistletoe stick?? I want to make Angelica and Burr kiss

_~_

_Washington: 23:36:_ I'm definitely not thrilled about this, but I suppose I can stomach having Jefferson over for the odd Sunday lunch just as long as you both promise not to argue about politics. Martha wants me to tell you that she hopes you're both very happy, and that Jefferson is a “very handsome young man”.

~

 _Burr: 23:41:_ Well it certainly took you both long enough.

~

 _Madison: 23:57:_ Fucking finally! Jesus, I thought the suspense would kill me. If you change your mind (and I wouldn’t blame you), please give me enough warning so I have plenty of time to flee the country and assume a new identity before Thomas tries to come crying to me

 _Madison: 23:58:_ On a serious note, please don’t break his heart, he really does like you a lot

~

**Epilogue**

‘You drive me insane,’ Alexandra calls out cheerfully as she unwraps her scarf from her neck and hangs up her coat. ‘And one day I will murder you in your sleep.’

‘Like you can talk, you're ruining my life.’ Thomas walks into the hall as she's pulling her boots off. His tie has been lost earlier in the evening and the top few buttons of his shirt are undone. She saunters over to where he's propped against the door frame.

‘James thinks you're a bad influence.’

She grins wickedly. ‘Oh yeah?’ She reaches up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. ‘Bite the bullet, become a Federalist.’

Thomas groans as she kisses along the column of his neck. ‘Don’t you dare try and seduce me into career-ending political decisions.’

‘Speaking of, Madison is pissed that you left him alone to deal with that weird new intern. He said I should ask you about a marble bust?’

Thomas freezes. ‘I’ll, uh, tell you about that later.’

‘He said you'd try and distract me, but luckily for you I'm willing to be distracted.’

Thomas scoops her up and carries her through to the bedroom, laughing at her outraged shriek when he drops her unceremoniously on the bed. ‘That’s for arguing with me this morning about your stupid whiskey tax,’ he smirks.

‘Not my fault you're dumb as shit,’ she mutters.

‘You love me anyway though,’ he grins, working on unbuttoning his shirt.

‘I do not,’ she gapes in mock outrage, pulling him down onto the bed.

Thomas drops a kiss onto her nose, ‘good job I love you then, isn't it?’

She pushes him off her with a laugh, ‘you're such a sap.’

‘Admit you love me back,’ he grins, pulling her close.

‘God, you're the worst. Fine I love you too. Happy?’

‘Very.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand it's done. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who read this and left kudos or comments. I was super apprehensive about posting this as it's my first multi-chapter fic, but you've all been so unbelievably lovely (and so patient when I decided that I wanted to rewrite the entire second half of the story and no longer posted regular updates).   
> If you're one of the wonderful people who left a comment then please know that you put a massive smile on my face (to the point where I probably looked insane) so thank you so, so much.


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